"I don't think it's open." The driver pointed out, hoping her passenger wasn't too let down.
The slayer countered with, "Well, factor in the driving time, and by when we got there it would be. Ooh, and if you have a VIP pass, they let you in before everyone else." Then she had to dejectedly concede a sad truth. "Which I don't have. Yet. But someday." Unbuckling her seatbelt, she took a deep breath. "So...the beach it is." Her gloved hand reached for the door handle.
"Don't forget your coffee." Tara removed the Espresso Pump cup from the car's holder, and gave it to her company.
"If I'da known 'make coffee' meant 'buy coffee,' I would've given you money. Shoulda told me." Buffy blew through the lid's "drinking hole" to cool the liquid off. "Cause one of us obviously has a really sad grasp of the English language. Or, best case scenario, an out-of-date dictionary. With missing pages. That starts with 'Zork' and hasn't even heard of the letter G."
"We had a coffee machine in the common room, but when I woke up, it wasn't working."
"Or that. How scary's it gonna get later?"
"Um, well...the people who brought their own from home better have strong doors. And maybe a-a good spot to pray."
"So, caffeine-deprived, zombie madness." The petite blonde stated casually, following her friend outside and closing the door behind her. "Too bad. It's my day off." She took a sip. "Wow. That's perfect. And not just kind of. To a T."
Tara smiled, somewhat proudly, at Buffy's surprised look. "When we had 'Greek Art' last year? You'd usually bring a cup to class, and have three, sugar packets and a cream stuffed in your pockets. I guess I...j-just remembered."
"Yeah. To a T. Okay, that's my phrase of the day." With one step they were off the gravelly parking lot, and touching sand. They passed through a section of tall grass that exited onto the main beach, quietly consuming coffee until, "Let me pay you back for this."
"Sure, I could," Tara began, turning up the collar on her long, brown, wool coat and half-grinning, "but then today would be completely ruined."
Eye roll. "What's the plan exactly?"
"The, uh, first part? Treating you." 'Like a human being.' Her brain added. "And I, you know, like my plan. A lot." The wicca's mind was set. "Save your money, Buffy."
"Fine." Smile. "But next time we switch."
For some reason neither could place, hearing that sentence silenced them again. Arms across her chest, Buffy listened to seashell fragments crunch under Tara's boots, glad she'd followed the witch's wise instructions. Her leather jacket, white scarf, gloves and black, knit-cap fought off the early morning chill nicely. Despite red hues coloring the sky, the sun refused to heat them, still not having risen above the horizon.
Tara's coat took advantage of every, last button, acting as a snug shield. One hand rested in a pocket, leaving the other to hold her beverage. They were bare--she didn't use as many layers as her friend. A friend who would've been freezing. But she seemed content. Even more, she seemed radiant, long hair blowing lightly in the breeze like it was. With that quality going for her, Buffy guessed UV was sort of redundant.
Soon they were standing just shy of the encroaching and receding water, blue ocean before them, getting a big whiff of salt. "Phew." The slayer uttered, crinkling her nose. "Don't get me wrong, this is doing wonders for my sinuses, but other than that..."
"That's not the reason we came." Smirk. "Not that clear sinuses aren't totally important."
Buffy suddenly found herself listening to a lack of environment. There was no sound. The water's motions wouldn't make a whisper, and the commonplace noise of seagulls apparently wasn't so commonplace this morning. After a few minutes she turned around to view the beach, then swiveled her head to Tara, and the odd sense of déjà vu that bugged since leaving the car, forced her to sit down before she fell down. So she did, right on the sand. What did this remind her of?
"What's wrong?" Tara asked concernedly, crouching down beside her.
Blink. "Huh? Oh. Nothing. 'Mummy hand' moment." That was now the slayer's shorthand for every time she felt like she'd done something before. Except she immediately retracted her brush off, even though it had felt ridiculous. But then again, there was no "embarrassment worry" with Tara. "Or...maybe nothing. I'm remembering being someplace with you. I think. Someplace like here. And it was...I dunno." She let out a frustrated "grr." "Ignore the unstable slayer; her and reality aren't chatty today."
"Thank god." The witch's reaction brought forth a pained frown from Buffy. "N-no, this is why we came. More or less." She seemed oddly comforted. "Before anything else, I thought we n-needed to talk about it. We probably should've a long time ago, but it didn't...feel right."
"Talk about what?"
"When I was borrowed."
That was it. Recollection now spilled from Buffy's lips easily, the details coming to her in quick flashes. "Desert, anti-social first slayer, cheese guy with shaky symbolism..." She drew in a surprised breath. "That was really you? In my...? Get out."
"I wanted to; because she didn't, ask exactly." Tara moved from the crouch to a full on, Indian-style sitting position facing her friend. "I-I was just *there*, and what she made me tell you--"
"That slayers make great loner-types?" Came the rhetorical question. "Kinda not wrong."
"Maybe. But you chose not to just accept her history like the others did; you've kept people by your side. It's-it's brave, and smart, and right. Nobody should ever be alone." The arguably more stable twenty-something echoed her words from last night. "I hated being f-forced to say those things. I didn't believe any of it, and still don't."
Buffy could have replied with how she preferred solitary away-ness from her friends now, right or wrong, but that would've just been rehashing, doing neither of them any good. She also could have declined what sounded like an apology, telling Tara it wasn't her fault that she was hijacked and used by her primal relative, but that would've only dredged up the witch's history of being used and manipulated, again serving no purpose.
Instead she only asked, "Were you in Willow's dream, too? I mean, you were together at the time and sort of, uh, connected."
"If I was, it's because she dreamt me up, the way it's, usually supposed to happen. But it wasn't really me." Pause. "I was actually *put* in yours. I shouldn't remember it, but I do...every moment. And I'm s-sure I wouldn't have even made a crinkle in your regular dreams. I definitely wouldn't have been--"
"--real. Except you were. Because, hey, my insomnia would've been more normal than the 'sleeping' that night. To a freakishly scary degree." The slayer said, wryly. "Okay, so...why you? We barely spoke to each other back then. Why not Janet Reno? Or Dorothy Hamill?"
"I guess they were busy?" Smart-alecky Tara was something Buffy still had to get used to, and she could only roll her eyes again. "Dorothy Hamill?"
"I went through an 'ice-skating' phase. When your parents are falling apart, it's a good distraction; there should be an ad campaign. And now that I'm thinking, it probably would've been a healthier, less stressful one than the currently--that has a big, 'unhealthy violence and death' theme." The lost hero laughed hollowly at that, disbelieving how far she'd gone astray. "How's 'hindsight' work again?"
For what must have been the trillionth time, she fought the black mood as best she could. Had to focus on rebounding. For the next, several minutes both females watched the sun rise, feeling those first rays light their faces. Out on the ocean, the water sparkled, leaving Tara awed. Not for the first time, either. Buffy's reaction, however, amounted to indifference. Her mind knew that what she was seeing was beautiful, but her heart just didn't seem to care. Which was sad.
"This is what I wanted to show you." Tara eventually revealed, though her eyes were still focused beyond. "I know it's not what you were hoping for, and it might seem a-a little silly, but every morning I feel like I don't know why I should get up? I come here. When you have to face pretty horrible things almost every day, eventually it can hurt so much, the horrible things are all you start to notice.
"But here, or...out-out there, I mean," She gestured to the big, blue vastness that was the ocean, "always makes me think of The Lion King, and it, um, gives me perspective."
"They lost me after Beauty and the Beast." Buffy responded, rather confused as to where this was going.
"Oh." The blonde witch had thought that reference would explain it all, but it looked like she was going to have to plow through. "Well there's this song in it, called 'Circle of Life'? Which is kind of what the whole movie's about. This cute, lion cub..." She stopped herself quickly, because the movie itself wasn't the point. "And I should really finish the example I started with." She laughed at herself, wishing she'd written something down to make this easier.
"M'still onboard." The slayer assured her, putting a hand on her knee. "Don't worry, the concept sounds vaguely familiar. Life and death as a big cycle, stuff dies so other stuff can live...right?"
Tara nodded, and Buffy wondered if the wicca was as conscious of the hand on her knee, as she was of the knee under her hand. "All that's happening under the water. She doesn't realize it, but right now a fish is eating algae to get bigger and stronger so it can feed another fish, who can go feed his family; but first she'll have laid her eggs, and one day they'll hatch, then it'll start all over again. When you only look at the poor, mother fish, you never see the rest.
"It's sad that she gets gobbled, except that that lets everything else keep surviving. We're more complicated, yes...but I-I guess what I'm trying to say, is even though it seems bad now--and it wasn't 'til Sunnydale that I honestly understood--there are reasons. As long as you're willing to learn what the sad parts hafta teach, the happy parts do come back. Maybe not exactly the same, but, what *doesn't* change?"
Buffy worked that all around in her brain, as she drank more coffee. "So I need to believe there's a bigger picture and a light at the end of a tunnel, even if I can't see either of those things?"
"Yep." The explanation took the winding route, but at Buffy got the point. "But I'll try to do my part. I think the reason the First Slayer chose me to be in your dream, is because she knew that I'm supposed to g-guide you, and took advantage." Tara took her own coffee break at this juncture.
The petite young woman wasn't surprised by Tara's theory. It fit--not in any way that could be rationally spoken aloud to anyone of course, but a definite intangible vibe existed. The first hint of it, if she thought back, was when she sat with the witch in the hospital on the day of her mother's death. It was a unique feeling then too, that the person beside her could somehow see her through the pain; that she understood before a word even got out. Not because there'd been a shared experience of loss, though there was, but because she was just...meant to.
She kind of dismissed it at the time, especially because it wasn't long after that Tara was taken from them by Glory.
Smiling, she again assured her friend that she wasn't alone in her thoughts. "Sure you want the job? Not that I don't appreciate the mystical whatever-they-ares for hiring you, but most of the time I'm like that guy who got stuck pushing that huge boulder up the hill and never stops."
Tara stood, and replied as she helped Buffy up. "I'm okay with pushing--more muscle-y than I look."
"Funny, so am I." They went further down towards the tide, and walked along right where it began to recede. As they did, Buffy considered her ancient predecessor, leading to something finally clicking, and she breathed, "Damn."
"What?" The witch asked.
"The First Slayer. That's who I've been feeling like since...coming back. A demon warrior girl, who forgot how to be normal, and wants to shove 'Buffy' completely out of the way." Voicing that revelation, her brow furrowed concernedly. "And that might be literally." It went a long way towards explaining her present routine and attitude.
Maybe it even explained Spike to an extent.
"Then we shove back and kick her ass."
Buffy found herself laughing, and even catching a bit of the enthusiasm--she considered dubbing it, "The Tara Effect." "What's next then, Zagat?"
"You want me to recommend a restaurant?" That headed toward "dating" territory again.
The slayer turned red at her flop of a joke. "See? She's killed my punning ability! It's getting hopeless."
"Small steps, sweetie." Tara told her, and after finishing off her coffee, she linked their arms. "But, next is the party. It'll let you relax and just be with your family, which'll be good for you."
"And have cake and presents." The smaller blonde added. "I remember 'Buffy' liking cake and presents."
"That too." The taller grinned while Buffy swallowed the last of her coffee as well.
A few more feet passed before they decided to turn back to go to the car, though Buffy had one more thing to ask. "So...how did Sunnydale prove to you that badness has a reason? Because in this town? Usually 'badness' doesn't need a reason for occurring. It just does."
Tara didn't answer right away. It was like she was preparing. "If my father and my-my brother treated me better, if my mom didn't teach me a-about magick, if she didn't...die when she did, I wouldn't have left home. I wouldn't have met Willow, I wouldn't have loved her, and I'd probably still believe I was a demon. I also wouldn't have been made a Scooby, or been able to help keep people safe. Buffy, when you accepted me, wh-when you all did, that was th-the best day of my life. I never thanked you for that."
Well that solidified the slayer's understanding pretty handily. "Don't have to. You're kind, awesome, *and* slightly quirky--which, plus. You belong with us, Tara; all I did was make it official. But I'm thanking you." She said, with eyes that wanted no argument. "For this morning, and future mornings. I'm lucky t'have you to turn to, and the quiet strolling was...*is* nice." Considering they weren't done yet. "Even though I'm still not past the dead, mama fish and picturing the ocean as 'that deep, soggy place you drown in,' I do get the philosophy. Hopefully someday soon we'll share."
"You're welcome." Back at the car, Tara had a thought. "Before I drop you off at the house, how about I treat you to breakfast? I know a great diner that's open this early."
"Hah! 'Zagat'...to a T. Knew it'd pay off." Buffy sighed contentedly as Tara giggled. "Hey, silver lining."
***
|-Bath, England, Present-|
Night had fallen. They spent half the day talking with Tara, not wanting to let her out of their sight. Buffy still didn't, which was why she sat beside the witch on her living room couch, in front of the active fireplace, wide-awake. Everyone else--with the noticeable exception of Kennedy and Willow--had gone to sleep. Her sister's head rested in Tara's lap, and Dawn snored away contentedly.
"I can't believe how--" Tara began to utter.
Buffy finished for her. "--taller, prettier and more trendy than me she's gotten? Thanks for pointing that out." Mock-glare. "But legally, she has six more months of 'jailbait' status, so watch it."
Tara blushed crimson. "You kn-know I'd never..."
"I do--again, teasing." The petite blonde grinned broadly--she missed Tara so much. Then came the unmistakable sound of Willow moaning from upstairs. "Which Kennedy apparently stopped doing." They were both blushing now. "Can't say no to a tongue-stud...s'what I hear, anyway." Literally.
"Wow." Willow's ex was rather impressed.
Throat clearing. "Wanna go to the kitchen? Away from the acoustic happies of comfort-sex?"
Nodding readily, Tara eased herself off the couch so as not to wake Dawn. She put a pillow under the girl's head, then took the blanket draped over the back of the couch, and laid it over her. Around Tara, Buffy noticed a transformation in her sibling. Willow was like another sister, but Tara had always been a surrogate mother to Dawn.
Buffy gripped Tara's hand, and gave one, last look up at the ceiling. "*That's* why Xander lives back in the basement."
Well, that was partially true. He also had his workshop down there. It was his sanctuary of maleness in a house full of women. Women he cared deeply for, but he needed a space to call his own. Where sounds had to pass through two floors and died before reaching him, meaning he could get his necessary Zs.
The witch stifled laughter with her unoccupied palm, and they headed to the kitchen. Wasn't anything overly fancy about it, it just was larger than Buffy's in Sunnydale, giving more room to maneuver during the breakfast and dinner rushes. Crossing its threshold, Tara wondered, "Have any hot chocolate?"
"Practically always." The slayer smiled again, enjoying the déjà vu. She realized then, that to get the drinks, she'd have to sacrifice her hold on Tara. "Hmm. K, promise me you aren't, like, 'The Touchable Ghost of Groundhog Day' now, and won't disappear, and I'll let go." Her tone was light, her eyes serious.
"I promise." Tara spoke sincerely, but her friend remained hesitant. "Everything I said is...it's the truth, Buffy. I wouldn't come here and lie to everyone. To Dawn." Her voice got softer. "Especially not to you--not af-after everything you've been through. I promise." She squeezed her hand, and then slowly smirked. "Besides, you um, would've been able to tell if I did. I'm pretty b-bad at telling stories."
"Remind me to let you meet Andrew." Buffy said sardonically, and their hands separated.
She went to gather the teapot, while Tara asked, "Mugs?"
"Top left." Buffy pointed to the cabinets as she filled at the sink.
The returned woman moved to grab a couple. "Um, so...w-why is it comfort sex?" When Buffy looked at her with a "huh?" expression, she gestured upwards, "Willow and Kennedy."
Cough. "Oh, uh, I-I dunno. It was just a guess." Buffy replied. "I mean, she went all 'Uber-Bad' and killed Warren, because he killed you. Spent a long time coming back from that, and she knows how wrong it was, but I think part of her probably still justified it...in an, 'eye-for-an-eye' way." She sat the pot on the stove and turned on the burner. "But now you're alive again, and, she might be feeling...not so justified anymore." Beat. "She'll be okay, though; Kennedy's been great to her. In bed and out of."
Tara frowned some, thinking about Willow going through that guilt because of her, but it turned into a bit of a smile. "I knew she'd find someone." She sat the mugs on the counter beside the oven, then guessed where the packets were.
"Kennedy kinda found her. All signs pointed to 'rebound.'" Buffy smirked, leaning back against the counter to face Tara--who guessed right--while the water heated. "Shows how much I understand relationships."
She watched Tara retrieve the milk carton from the fridge, place it by the mugs, and then empty the cocoa mix into them. It was still sinking in that yes, Tara was genuinely here. Though embarrassed when she saw she had an audience, Tara half-grinned regardless. Hazel eyes darted away. They were right next to each other.
"So you believe me? About what happened?"
Buffy's gaze refocused. "Believing isn't the issue. You could tell me puppies are gonna cause the next apocalypse, and there'd be no questioning." There was zero trace of a joke in there. "But it's like you said. After everything--the First showing up wearing the faces of people we cared about, and *knowing* resurrections have steep downsides--I keep expecting the other shoe. 'Cause when you don't, that's usually when it drops on your head." Tara's case was different, but still. "Tara, you being here is," Body-relieving sigh, "honestly? The next, best thing to getting my mom back. The universe is being nice...since when is the universe nice?"
"Well, it wasn't the universe really. Cordelia's the only reason I...got the chance."
That alone made the slayer's head spin. "I wish I coulda known her, post-high school." Her grateful smile had a dash of regret as well. She'd only heard tales of the ex-cheerleader's maturity--had never seen it. News was, Cordelia died in her sleep a week ago; she hadn't ever emerged from a mystical coma. "Wish I coulda thanked her, too."
"I w-won't ever say it enough, but, I have every day." Tara revealed. "She gave up her life so I could have mine back."
Both reabsorbed the weight of that for a moment.
"The Lion King' was a very wise movie." Buffy spoke first, suddenly remembering the "Circle" talk, and it clearly applied. She appreciated the philosophy now.
Tara chuckled. "Yeah."
In the lull following, each became aware of their relative closeness, and Buffy found herself spontaneously hugging Tara for the fifth or sixth time today (she'd lost count), and Tara made it mutual for the fifth or sixth time. It was almost a pull, a need to stay in contact. Buffy thought it might've been their bodies way of not letting them put off what, in hindsight, they shouldn't have a couple years ago.
They were in the miraculous position to have another shot, so mid-hug, she just came out with it. "All right--somebody hasta start kissing somebody, here."
***
|-Sunnydale, March 2003-|
Willow was standing over the Summers' living room couch, folding the household laundry and placing it back in the basket, which Buffy sat opposite of. Considering the household was packed with a bunch of teenaged girls who had the potential to become the next "Chosen One," the pile was a bit on the "immense" side. However, the chore was "everyday" and relaxing, and it allowed she and Buffy to talk; something they didn't really get a chance to do anymore.
Buffy had a date with her boss tonight. He was principal of the new Sunnydale High, and all reports were, he seemed cool and pleasant. The problem was, he could be evil, as his office was situated right over the Hellmouth. So this first date was half-motivated by wanting to have a nice evening, and half-motivated by wanting to uncover any possible threat. Willow had already had her first date. With Kennedy, the oldest Potential.
It ended disturbingly, whereby she was forced to become and confront Tara's killer. Through Kennedy's help, she did, and the healing process continued. Felt like she'd turned a corner. She'd made her peace and finally moved on--they were a couple now.
Tara had broken up with her long before she was killed, but Willow hadn't really put herself out there again. As a result, when the tragedy occurred, Willow snapped more than she might have. She lost herself in dark magick, and it escalated beyond revenge--she'd very nearly destroyed the world. Thank god for Giles and Xander, who both worked in their own ways to bring her back from the brink.
After it was over, she heeded Giles' advice (advice Tara had given months prior), and went with him to England where she trained with a Coven over the summer. But this wasn't about her personal trials and tribulations. This was about her best friend's date.
"Buff, if he's really interested," Willow said with an excited smile, "are you interested back?"
Blush. "I don't know. He's good-looking, and he's-he's solid, he's smart, he's normal. So, not the wicked energy, which is nice 'cause I don't want to only be attracted to wicked energy. Or what if he is wicked, in which case, is that why I'm attracted to him?"
"I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on." The redhead quipped. "But if he gets all check-pluses in the 'Not Evil' column, why wouldn't you be? You haven't dated since Riley. Oughta get back on the horsie." The slayer didn't respond--she seemed lost in her head somewhere. "Didcha notice how I totally skipped over Spike?"
"Why's everyone in this house...?" Buffy began exasperatedly, but trailed off. Just as Willow was about to ask what was going on in that head of hers, and why she looked so...conflicted, this came out: "Will, I...I wouldn't because, uh, there's this problem where...he isn't Tara."
"Who is?" Willow asked rhetorically, and then dropped the socks she was holding. "Wai...huh?"
Buffy reached down for the socks that had escaped, and picked at them so she wouldn't have to look Willow in the eye. "Y'know how she was helping me find, um, me, last year?" The witch nodded mutely, but she didn't see it. "First I thought it was a 'patient/psychiatrist crush' type deal--and it's sad that that's the best analogy--but, after Riley blew back into town and I ended things with Spike, and started to feel...connected again, how I was feeling about Tara didn't leave. It set up shop.
"Got to where, if she wasn't in my day at some point, the day fell short of 'good.'" Willow had been there. "Was happy just being in the same room. Didn't even hafta talk. But I could forever when we did, and-and her hugs...god. 'Tara Hugs.'" The blonde looked at the redhead, then. "I might maybe have possibly been sort of somewhat in love with her. And it's kinda continuing."
"Oh." Came Willow's even more dumbstruck reaction. "Really?"
"Yep. Really." Buffy echoed. "Never acted on, though. You were deep in the 'coping' stage, and it just...would've been a bad. Plus, 'awkwardness' loves piggybacking on rejection, which I didn't wanna risk." She exhaled. "The general plan was, once stuff settled and you had somebody new, we'd have a conversation almost exactly like this, you'd say it was okay, and I'd ask her out.
"Then, dinner at the most upscale-sounding place my wallet could afford, wearing my most expensive-looking outfit. And the night'd go great--a.k.a., 'be normal.' As defined by every dictionary not made in Sunnydale." Wasn't exactly a surprise that her perfect date was simple. "Finally capping with--"
"Smoochies?" Willow completed, beginning to grin. "From 'Tara Lips'?" She let herself remember how it felt, closing her eyes. "Kennedy'll kiss for hours, but Tara knew how to make just one? *Feel* like hours."
Buffy pouted. "At Xander and Anya's not-wedding? With the dresses that were probably designed by a colorblind, Slurnix demon?" She sidetracked a moment. "Ooh, hey...'cause they hermit in yak butts and only need an air-refill every other decade, bet that explains the style-impairment." The redhead blanched at the visuals she was seeing. "Anyway, Tara? Yeah, still looked amazing...she looked amazing in pretty much anything."
Willow was going to concur, but then she started giggling. "We-we should ask Anya if the demon looked like a yak-ass."
That got Buffy going. It couldn't be verified, but its likely there was a snort or two in the mix. Why? Who knows? It wasn't that funny.
After collecting themselves, Buffy dried her eyes with a sock and asked, "How come no yelling at?"
"Because she was super easy to fall in love with." Willow replied now that the surprise was over, but looked grumpily at the used sock. "Can't blame you." The smitten look on the blonde's face was all-too-familiar. "Sure, seeing her with anybody who wasn't 'me-shaped' woulda been hard, but Tara happy and you happy? All I ever wanted. And if that meant two of my most favorite people being together, then woo."
Seeing Buffy smile a smile of both gratitude and "What could've been," and seeing peepers well up, Willow moved to embrace and comfort her friend. "No, no crying. 'Cause then I definitely will, and...and then all our socks are gonna be soggy. Nobody likes soggy socks."
Buffy laughed thickly into the redhead's shoulder. "Nothing wrong with 'Willow Hugs,' either."
"Well, I practice lots." Willow joked, pulling back, and scooching next to Buffy on the couch. "I want her to be here too, Buffy. She...she was Tara." And that was plenty explanation. "Now I don't get to tease, or-or coach..." The slayer's eyebrows went up. "She woulda felt so lucky, and it woulda been so fun."
"That's what my imagination was hoping. Shame the universe has a policy about sucking at the worst times ever." Buffy griped, beginning to visibly mope and be the quiet masochist she was at her core.
The universe was just a stand-in, so Willow wouldn't know where she truly rested the blame. Shame her face sold her out.
"Jump off the 'guilt train'; as soon as like, this second." Willow's face quickly bore her honed look of resolve. "I'm writing the conductor an angry email. In all caps. Wait'll he sees how emphatic my text is." Then just as quick, her features softened. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault except mysonystic Warren's, and whoever taught him being like that was neato." Pause. "Trust me--learned the tough way."
"Willow, if I caught him at the amusement park, or wasn't out back when Xander came by to talk...if-if I hadn't asked her to move back in..."
Sigh. The witch had been friends with Buffy long enough to realize nothing she said could change her mind, so she tried a different tack. "Know what she'd tell you?"
Buffy certainly did. "To stop. Because life's full of 'tragic'n'unfair,' no matter what we do. But I hafta keep reminding myself that reasons exist for why."
"Also that you're a dummy."
"Probably."
Tara dying sent her over the edge, and even evil, Willow could see that Buffy had truly felt concern and fear and love for her. Her trip to the dark brought Buffy one-hundred percent back. Then after she survived, she finally stepped the extra step towards the Coven, and facing her problem instead of pretending it was something she could quit. She needed her "veiny self" to never appear again.
So fine, there reasons were. But why'd death need to be the catalyst? Why that extreme? She genuinely wanted Buffy to have a chance with Tara, and wondered what the jerky Powers-That-Be's problem was.
***
|-Bath, England, Present-|
Thankfully, the Powers' unlikely messenger had been in the enviable position to make some demands, and had now given Buffy and Tara that chance. No, Buffy didn't think Cordelia's sacrifice was driven by a desperate, last wish to play matchmaker from on high or anything, but nevertheless, it did open a door that would've otherwise stayed permanently locked. Better late than a lifetime of never.
If Buffy had been in Cordelia's situation, just meeting Tara and learning the circumstances of her death would've made the decision all that much easier. Though she'd admit to carrying a hefty bias around. That was getting weightier and weightier, because Tara was kissing her. Just the way Willow said.
She didn't take the act of, for granted. Nor was there rushing--every second got used up to its fullest. Tara took as much care with kissing as she did everything else; it was about giving, making the kissee feel how much they were loved. Slow, calming and constant, maximizing all possible points of lip contact. And it spread throughout, until bone-deep, leaving you very...at peace. Big, powerful emotion and the toe-curling physical--undoubtedly worth the wait.
Those not wanting to do Tara's technique justice, might say she kissed like she had all the time in the world, and cliché aside, they'd be mistaken. If shorthand was absolutely necessary, then Buffy would say Tara's technique was that of someone who knew how precious and fleeting the concept was, and how important it was not to waste. In fact, nobody grasped better, given what she'd experienced.
Buffy hadn't expected her to initiate. At least not without warning. Once bearings returned however, she was kissing back, following her fellow blonde's example and lead. Unfortunately, the teapot chose to whistle rather interrupting-ly. The slayer of course made a valiant effort to turn off the stove by reaching blindly behind her for the knob so they didn't have to stop, but the effort was not succeeding.
Irked, she spun away from pleasant lips, turned the knob, and roughly "escorted" the teapot to a burner that wasn't hot. "That's it--rest of my life? I'm vowing to destroy every teapot I lay an eye on; don't see any other choice. They're obviously evil, so its my duty to slay 'em. Violently." During this proclamation, she'd faced Tara again, who was amused as well as nervous. But Buffy's dazed grin, as she seemed to fall right back into the previous moment, wiped the nervousness away. "Fire pretty, tree bad."
Tara smirked a "pleased with herself" smirk. "Sometimes."
Laughter bubbled up out of Buffy, and she smacked her new, hopefully girlfriend. "Thank you." Hearing the sincerity in those two words, Tara became bashful. "'Course, everything's happening totally backwards, but I don't exactly mind adjusting. There're worse ways to screw up a plan."
"I forgot," The witch lightly touched Buffy's arm, "you wanted to go to dinner."
"Yeah, I...hey." Before Buffy made it very far into her reply, she realized something didn't add up. "How'd you know that? You weren't even..." Then it came to her. "You watched us, didn't you? When you were being...higher being-y."
"There wasn't, um, much else to do." She could tell Tara wasn't really ashamed for, in essence, spying, though she was trying to look it. "And it's why I said yes when Cordelia came. I wanted to at least be able to see everyone. Eve-even if I couldn't be there." Then the false shame disappeared entirely. "Oh. And Willow was right about my...about it not being your fault. Dummy."
Buffy wanted to argue, but didn't want to spoil the moment, either. She let it go.
"You know, now that I'm mulling, s'very 'Tara.' Selfless, considerate, sweet." Buffy was most assuredly love's bitch. Thing was, she didn't find anything negative about that. Their hands found each other yet again. "But wasn't it hard to leave? Or...ooh. Was your heaven dimension defective?"Tara shook her head. "Nope. It was nice, just--"
Dawn walked sleepily into the kitchen right then, giving the blondes a once-over. "I knew it."
The elder sister's eyes rolled at the younger, who Tara turned to acknowledge. "You knew squat."
"Did so." The brunette retorted, and then spotted the mugs. "Can I have some?"
"Sorry, strictly a 'Date' batch. For people on dates. Like me. And Tara. Finally." Buffy deprived, and saw Tara's curious glance out of the corner of her eye. "Go with it."
"Geez, sorry, Tara." Dawn addressed her with a frown, shaking her head.
"What for?" Tara quizzically wondered.
"For my sister." The frown morphed into a wry grin. "Being so-not-unbelievably cheap."
Buffy's jaw set. "One, I'm *'thrifty'*." She corrected, emphasizing the distinction. "Two, the blizzarding? Outside? Had to improvise. And three, why aren't you asleep?"
"Teapot woke me up."
Tara wore an expression of disbelief. "But upstairs didn't?" Referring to the now quieting utterances of alternative, sexual bliss.
"No way--I had a room down the hall from you and Willow for half a year, almost. Became like, my lullaby." Dawn kept going, unaware at first of Tara's crossed arms and a stare that got continually more disapproving. "Besides, you guys were way louder. It was freaking n..." Dawn heard her sister's throat clear, which directed her attention to the blonde witch. "...nothing I oughta be retelling any people ever. Sorry, Tara." She looked sheepish and chastised. "Copied loud'n'clear. Uttingshay upway about really private stuff." Pointed out the way she'd come. "Heh. Whaddaya know? Time for us broken Keys to find our beds. Night, sis."
Buffy smirked and waved. "Night, Dawnie."
Then Dawn ran to Tara and crushed her waist in a bear hug. "I am so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so *so* happy you're back. I feel like a Disney movie on tainted, designer drugs. Seriously. You have *no* idea." Tara's hand brushed along her hair, and Dawn said innocently, "Never thought I'd eat your pancakes again."
The witch smiled. "Ohh...see? Shoulda known there was a motive. All makes sense now." Dawn released her, the innocence now in her look. "Want me to cook you some for breakfast tomorrow?"
"Yes, please. Funny shapes." Then the teen stared at her sister untrustingly. "If Buffy stops hogging you all to herself and lets the rest of us have 'Tara Time.'"
Buffy's look in return unconvincingly said, 'I have no clue what you're talking about.'
"With me or my food?" Buffy nearly laughed at Tara's teasing of her sister, who was visibly worried again. However, Tara quickly took pity on her. "Your nose'll smell 'em soon as you get up in the morning. Sleep cozy."
"You too." Dawn grinned like she expected something to happen when she left. "I'm sure you will. God knows you both dated enough times already."
"Those weren't dates." Buffy and Tara spoke immediately in unison, as if they'd had to tell her that before.
"Whatever." Shrugging at them, she then finally walked out of the kitchen.
"Ready for hot chocolate?" Buffy queried after a noticeable stretch of silence.
Silence they used to consider the younger Summers' words. Those times spent together were...they weren't...were they?
"Isn't the water probably cold again?"
It had been off the burner even before Dawn came in.
"Damn, evil teapot." Buffy had that "slayerly" gleam in her eye.