Chapter 6: The quest for the ultimate bad-ass
(Where the author foolishly writes an Azumanga / Cromartie crossover ... )
Kamiyama Takashi (16 years old) was walking to class, along the graffiti-laden hallways of Cromartie High School. He was a handsome boy with clean-cut hair, clad in a pristine gakuran uniform. He carried himself with a calm purpose, and there was always a serious and focused air about him.
His tidy appearance, along with his responsible and respectful attitude made him the very model of a proper Japanese young man. It seemed all the more surprising to find him in the halls of Cromartie High School, which was a well-known haven for juvenile delinquents and violent Yanki.
"Oy, Kamiyama!"
"Good morning, Hayashida-kun. I hope you are well today."
Hayashida Shinjirô (16 years old) walked up to his friend in his usual sloppy gait. He was a fearsome-looking punk, looking much older than his age, and sporting an unusual purple Mohawk. However, his frowning eyes and the lines around his mouth somehow gave his face an air of dignity, contrasting with his getup.
"Say, Kamiyama, are you still intent on reforming that school?"
"Indeed, Hayashida-kun, no matter how daunting the task may seem, my dream is to rebuild the community spirit and make Cromartie High a proper learning environment for Japanese youths. Even if I'm merely able to make the school take one tiny step towards that goal before I graduate, my efforts will not be wasted, for the desire for betterment shall remain among the students. And someday in the future, Cromartie will become the model school it was intended to be."
"I admire your fighting spirit, Kamiyama. However, until you're able to defeat him, this school won't be able to change."
"Who are you talking about?"
"There's a guy in class 1-4, a totally wild new type of delinquent, completely beyond your imagination. Until we do something about him, this school will continue to be an Olympic stadium for bad-asses ... "
"Hayashida-kun, you spoke these exact same words several times before, when we discovered Freddy, the Gorilla and Mechazawa-kun. However I don't think it is possible to find a more unusual type of high school punk than those three.
"Allow me to remind you that Freddy (real name unknown) looks like a hairy, middle-aged pro-wrestler (or English rock-star) with a big mustache, and wears nothing but leather pants with suspenders.
"As for the Gorilla, despite him wearing a watch, using a cell-phone, and being smarter than most students at this school, he is still an ape and thus not a specimen of the human race.
"Last but not least, we have Mechazawa-kun, who is a cylindrical and somewhat outdated-looking robot -- although you and I are the only ones here who seem to notice him being different than other students.
"Hayashida-kun, you always come to me saying that you've found the ultimate delinquent; explain how you think this new one will be even more incredible?"
"This is beyond mere words, Kamiyama. You've got to see for yourself; this guy is way out there ... I've never seen such a bad-ass before!"
Kamiyama sighed. "That speech again ... Very well, Hayashida-kun, let's go to class 1-4 and watch from behind the door, like usual ... "
"Here we go ... " said the Mohawk-wearing punk, sliding open the door to the classroom.
"What on Earth ... is ... this?" whispered Kamiyama to his companion.
" ... It's ... yellow!"
"Is it some kind of animal? What a weird shape!"
"It's wearing a gakuran jacket!"
"Oy, Chiyochichinosuke! We have an emergency!" A few punk students gathered around the desk of Hayashida's ultimate delinquent.
"Chiyochichinosuke? What kind of name is that?"
"He got up from his seat! He's ... floating above the ground! There's no way any kind of animal or human can do that!"
"Emergency? What kind of emergency is it?" said the strange being.
"What a deep voice! He sounds like Mechazawa-kun ... are they perhaps related?"
"Related? Maybe it's a new model?"
"I don't know, he looks organic to me."
"Maeda's been kidnapped by the Destrade High School guys!" shouted one of the punks.
"Again? This is unforgivable! We must take revenge at once!"
"He ... he changed colors! Are you sure he's organic?"
"We're in need of your power, Chiyochichinosuke; you're the best fighter in this school!"
"They respect him!"
"Stop it guys ... you're embarrassing me ... "
"He's waving his arm ... it looks like a spaghetti!"
"Wait! Before we go and kick the Destrade guy's asses, I need to ask you something," said one of the punks from class 1-4. "It's been bothering me from the day I met you. Actually it has even been keeping me awake at nights lately ... I won't be able to fight well if I keep this on my conscience."
"What is it? You're all my comrades, so don't hesitate to ask me anything."
"Do you think he's going to ask him, Kamiyama? What kind of animal or alien he is?"
"Somehow, speaking from experience, I think we will be disappointed."
"Very well, I will ask you the question. However I'm afraid that it might hurt your feelings."
"Don't worry about it; hurry up and say it!"
"All right, Chiyochichinosuke. Here I go. Your face ... it somehow looks like ... "
"Could it be ... is he actually going to say it?"
" ... It looks like ... That is, are you perchance related to Mori Yoshiro, the former prime minister?"
"Argh! Why can't anyone ever ask the right questions?"
"Urk ... hnggghh ... gnnnnghhh ... "
"He changed colours again! Is he angry?"
"Ah! I'm sorry! I did hurt your feelings after all!"
"Hnnghh ... Not at all; I hear that all the time. However, you are very much mistaken. I am in no way related to a former prime minister ... Actually, I never bothered to tell you guys about it before, but I am not even ... human!"
"He's admitting it himself!"
"Eeeh? Chiyochichinosuke, are you saying you're not human?"
"Are they actually seriously surprised? Or are they pulling our leg on purpose?"
" ... Because, in fact ... WAGAHAI WA NEKO DE ARU!"
"Yeah, right, like anybody is going to believe he's a cat, with that kind of face!"
Through Sakaki's eyes ...
"Say, Sakaki-chan, you don't look very enthusiastic today. I mean, you have been doing the forms perfectly, but you don't seem to be enjoying the lesson as usual. Though, isn't it a wonderful sunny day to train in the park?"
"Say, Sakaki, you don't look very enthusiastic today. I mean, you have been doing the forms perfectly, but you don't seem to be enjoying the lesson as usual. Though, isn't it a wonderful sunny day to train in the park?"
What should I tell Wang-sensei? ... She has been so incredibly nice to me, treating me like a daughter ... she offered to pass onto me her precious knowledge, and what do I do to show my gratefulness? I go into fist-fights with delinquents! I even used the peaceful Tai Chi moves to hurt someone badly. How is something like that possible? I sent one person to the hospital for God's sake!
I'm ... I'm so despicable. I have discovered that deep down I'm a horrible person; like a wild animal, I have selfish and destructive urges that resurface when I'm scared. I hit people and abandon my friends ... I remember hearing someone calling me a monster during last week's incident. No wonder cats hate me; I guess they can sense it.
Should I confess all that to Sensei? But she'll be so disappointed and sad! Moreover, she has just chosen me as her apprentice! No, I can't possibly tell her! She might even be devastated.
... But isn't keeping it from her even worse?
A hand is waving in front of my face.
"Are you all right, Sakaki-chan?" Sensei asks in her gentle voice. "You seem preoccupied. Are you perhaps worried about the college entrance exams at the end of the year? Do you have a lot of homework to do? Maybe I shouldn't have asked you to come and train on a Saturday afternoon ... "
"Ah ... no, I don't have a lot of homework at the moment. We are preparing for our class trip to Okinawa."
"Wow, Okinawa? That's great Sakaki-chan! I'm sure you'll have lots of fun! But then, why are you making such a sad face? Oh! Could it be ... are you perhaps afraid of traveling by plane?"
"Um, maybe a little. By the way, Sensei ... that is, about fear ... "
"Fear, Sakaki-chan? Are you afraid of something? Oh, maybe you want me to teach you some Chi Kung breathing techniques to reduce the effects of fear?"
Suddenly, I start to feel somewhat hopeful. Maybe I could learn how to keep my ... wild tendencies in check?
"Sensei, actually ... I remember you saying that my body reacts too ... violently sometimes. I think it happens when I'm afraid."
"Oh, no! Did something bad happen, Sakaki-chan?"
"Umm, no, I mean ... "
I can't. I can't tell her. She's looking at me with so much concern ...
"Actually, Sensei, there was a car ... I couldn't move because I was afraid, then at the last moment my body reacted on its own, and I jumped out of the way."
Why? Why am I saying that? I hate to lie, I just hate it! ... I'm such a coward! It makes me sick. If a car really did run me over, I'd deserve it.
"Oh. Hmm, a car. I ... see ... Well, it's perfectly natural to freeze in the face of danger. A lot of people do that. However it is not surprising that your body reacted correctly at the last moment. As I said, you are one of the rare people who are still attuned to their survival instincts."
"But isn't that ... a bad thing? I mean what if there was one of my friends with me? I would have ignored her and jumped out of the way, leaving her in danger?"
"Hehe, Sakaki-chan, you're so sweet, always thinking about your friends before your own safety!"
I lower my head in shame, hearing that undeserved compliment.
"You know, it's difficult to predict how people react in the face of danger. Because of our peaceful and err ... civilized existences, we sometimes tend to forget or ignore what our instincts tell us. Therefore, we don't really know how to react to fear, and we often tense up or freeze. On the other hand, if people were more attuned to their instincts, they'd know when to flee or attack."
"A ...attack?"
"Well, yes. That's what instinct is about. I bet you've watched plenty of documentaries about animals. Have you seen how reptiles, like crocodiles act?"
"Uh ... I don't like crocodiles very much ... "
"When coming across something alive, crocodiles either ignore it, devour it, or flee. Reptiles have very simple brains. Of course humans -- and mammals in general -- have more complex minds, so sometimes, the basic instincts are so to say, overridden. For example we have learned since we were small that it's not very nice to kill and eat other people. And boys are often told to act manly and not flee in the face of danger.
"So you see, we humans have to deal with conflicting influences when we're thrown into a bad situation: we have our instincts telling us to flee or destroy the threat, and our so-called superior brain usually telling us to do the complete opposite."
"I see ... "
"Our Taoist Internal Arts teach us to be attuned to the natural laws of the Universe, and at the same time to act like civilized human beings. So, instead of suppressing our instincts, we try to, so to say, nudge them in the right direction.
"As for fear, we use Chi Kung breathing techniques to limit its harmful effects – such as tensing up, freezing -- but at the same time, we still use the boost of energy fear gives us. For example, to save our friends from being run over by a car."
"Really? Can I actually learn something like this?"
"Of course you can, Sakaki-chan! Actually ... you just did! All the breathing exercises we did for the last three hours were for that exact purpose. They are part of the iron shirt body skill -- although in our particular school we prefer to call it the silk armor ... but I'll tell you more about it next time."
"So ... do you think I'll be able to prevent my body from acting in a bad way?"
"Well I don't know what you mean exactly by 'in a bad way', but with this kind of training, you will be able to save both yourself and your friends from a speeding car, yes! ... You're not going to throw yourself into the traffic to test that theory, are you? Hehehe!"
"N ... no, but I have, um, a friend who tends to be careless and doesn't always look both ways before crossing."
"Aah I see, so you were concerned about your friends, just as I thought!"
"Aa. I ... I love them very, very much. They're always so nice to me, despite my being ... not very friendly."
"Oh, come on Sakaki-chan, I'm sure they know that you're just a shy girl."
Sensei is so supportive ... Oh, I feel even worse now about lying to her. But if I train hard, I will be able to prevent my body from acting rash again. Then I will forget about the incident like it never happened ... Yes, it will NEVER happen again!
"Right Sakaki-chan. Let's do a last little game before we end this lesson. Remember when we did push hands without the hands last time? Now let's do push hands with our feet! That's right, I'm going to push you with my foot, and you'll absorb or repel the force with your own leg. Ok, let's go ... right, that's it! Perfect as usual, Sakaki-chan.
"Yield and stick, don't raise your own foot too much, and with your leg guide your opponent's foot on its intended path, then pull it or repel it."
"O ... opponent?"
"Eeeh ... 'opponent'? Did I say 'opponent'? I meant to say 'partner', of course; it must have been a slip of the tongue, hohoho ... "
"Um, Sensei, actually, uh ... it kind of looks like ... kicking."
"Uh ... kicking? Actually my pushes are meant to represent any kind of incoming force at the level of your legs. This skill will help you in many situations when you don't have the time or reach to use your hands.
"If a small child stumbles and falls right in front of you, you'll be able to prevent him from being hurt by catching him on your leg ... Or if someone drops a precious Ming vase ... well I think you get the point, hehe!"
"O ... oh, right, I see."
"Right now, you're doing that exercise with the right speed, breathing and mindset, so that the movements are integrated into your muscle memory ... so if someone REALLY kicks you, you'll be able to deal with it also. But who in their right mind would want to kick such a sweet girl like you? Hehehe ... "
Once again, I lower my head in shame.
"Anyway, as I said before, we try to use our instincts to our advantage. Usually, when surprised by a sudden motion in front of them, people lean back, or move their hands spontaneously in front of their face. Instead of suppressing the reflex by learning a completely different movement, our training teaches us to use that reflex and make it evolve into something suitable for any kind of situation. That's what we call natural motion: starting with the reflexive movements and going with the flow.
" ... You know, in some martial arts, people learn stiff and violent techniques, and they have to repeat them ten thousand times if they want to be able to use them under stress. Quite a waste of energy if you ask me!"
"Ah! So, it means that Tai Chi is not violent ... not a martial art?"
"Oh, I just had to mention martial arts, did I? Err, well, actually Tai Chi is ... umm ... "
Sensei looks embarrassed all of a sudden. I think I have asked her a wrong question; I hope I didn't offend her. I must learn to keep my mouth shut and better listen to my teachers ...
"Tai Chi is the art of ... life. Yes, that's it. It's an art that teaches us to survive in ... difficult situations and also to enjoy our daily lives to the fullest. Wow. That sounds good, doesn't it? No need to worry, I'm not teaching you how to kill mammoths with your bare hands, hahaha ... "
"Ah! I'm sorry, I didn't mean ... I just -- "
"Don't worry about it! Ah, by the way, you said your body reacted by its own when you were attacked ... ahem ... I mean when you were nearly run over by a car. Could you describe exactly what you felt, at that moment?"
"Well, my feet were like glued to the ground and I couldn't breathe well. And when the ... car was really close, I ... just moved without thinking. Actually, all of a sudden I didn't feel my body anymore."
"Hmm, the Sung state ... And what did you see? I mean, how was your ... vision of things around you?"
"Around me? Well it's strange, I could see ... um, everything at once very sharply, but at the same time, I don't think I could recognize people anymore."
"Ooh, the Vision of the Far Mountain skill ... So you didn't focus on the car?"
"Actually I think I did focus on it in the end. I even saw some sort of ... white aura around it."
"So the peripheral vision was replaced by the tunnel vision?"
"Uh, Peripheral? Umm, no, I think it was both things at the same time. I still could see everything, but ... I sort of focused on the space around him ... err, it. I mean the car."
"The ... the Eagle's Eye skill? ... Oohohohoho ... This is just too perfect! Say, Sakaki-chan, can you do ... this?"
She is holding her hands in front of her and touches her fingertips quickly with her thumbs. Oh, it looks like she is doing a different pattern with each hand. Looks difficult.
Hmm ... I manage to do it after trying for about a minute. Sensei looks at me with her smiling, nearly-closed eyes, and then snaps two small branches from a nearby tree and gives them to me.
"Sakaki-chan, take these, and try to trace on the soil a square with your right hand, and a circle with your left, at the same time."
"Hmm ... Here?"
"Riiiiiiight ... How about tracing the kanji of your first name and of your family name at the same time?"
Wow, this is very hard ...
"Err ... Like this?"
"Fufufufufu ... °Little girl, I won't ever let you go now ... As for you, old man, I'll make you choke on your words soon!° "
"Errr, sorry, Sensei?"
"Oh ... umm, just an old Chinese proverb ... wait. You don't understand Mandarin, do you?"
"Uh, no ... "
"Oh. Right. You would have told me before, of course ... By the way, Sakaki-chan, do you realize that very few people can do what you just did without at least ten years of hard training?"
"Eh? But ... I think Chiyo-chan could do that easily, and much more ... "
It's the first time I see Sensei's eyes open all the way. She really has pretty eyes by the way.
"You ... you mean there's another one just like you?"
"Chiyo-chan? Well, she is really talented; much more than I am. She's not even thirteen years old yet, but already in the third year of high school! She can memorize things very quickly, just by looking at them once; she can calculate incredibly fast without the aid of a calculator, even three-digit multiplications! And she can cook delicious lunches too. She can do anything! And ... and, she ... she's so cute ... "
I suddenly feel myself blushing for no reason.
"Ah ... I see. It's not the same kind of genius abilities ... "
"Eh?"
"Anyway, you seem to like her very much. Is she the one who doesn't look before crossing roads?"
"Um, no, she is very careful. It's another one of my friends. I like her a lot too, she's very sweet."
"Wow, you sure have a lot of wonderful friends. You would do your best to protect them from harm, would you? You would risk your life for them, right?"
" ... Yes. Yes, I would. But I don't think it will be -- "
"So look no further, you have come to the right place to learn the skills you need. Fufufufufu ... "
"All right, Hayashida-kun. Explain to me again why you have dragged me all the way to this school. We even had to change subway lines twice!"
"I heard a rumor about it, and wanted to check it myself. A rumor that this school holds a totally new type of delinquent; something never seen before."
"Hayashida-kun, don't you think you're pushing your quest for the 'ultimate delinquent' a little too far? As for me, after seeing Chiyochichinosuke-kun, I don't think anything will be able to phase me again. Besides we've been looking around for some time now, and to me it looks like that this place is perfectly ordinary. I could even go as far as to say that it is an exemplary Japanese High School. All of the students look like the enthusiastic and hardworking type."
"Kamiyama, I heard this rumour from a friend of mine who went to Hîrin High school before it was destroyed in an earthquake and he was transferred here. He swore to me that there is a totally awesome new type of delinquent among the third years."
"Even though I'm not questioning the word of your friend, somehow I think he may have been exaggerating a little. Besides, Hîrin has never been as bad as Cromartie, so one has to put things into perspective. What shocked your friend probably won't bother us much. We have become immune to any kinds of delinquents and 'bad-asses'."
"Here it is Kamiyama! It's in class 3-3; now let's observe without being seen, as usual," said Hayashida, sliding open the door to the classroom.
"Hayashida-kun, I see nothing more than ordinary students waiting for their teacher ... "
"Look, over there, near the window!"
" ... Umm, Hayashida-kun, how should I put it ... it's a girl."
"Yeah! Isn't it totally wild?"
"Ahem ... Hayashida-kun, this is a mixed high school; therefore it is not surprising to see a girl in a classroom. Now if you look carefully through the room, you will notice that there are several other girls ...
" ... Hayashida-kun, please tell me that you know about girls ... Surely you must have come across girls in the street before, and maybe even talked to one? For once, you must have learned about them in your adult videos."
"Of course I know about girls in general! Yet, I've never seen such a delinquent before!"
"Hayashida-kun, girls are NOT a new type of delinquent student! What gave you that idea?"
"No, no! Actually, what I meant to say is that my friend told me that this particular girl is a totally new kind of bad-ass student!"
"Hayashida-kun, it is most unlikely. Nothing indicates that this girl could be a delinquent or a 'bad-ass'. Granted, she does stand out because of her height, but ... Wait. Hayashida-kun, is that your way of telling me that you're interested in dating this girl?
"I admit you have excellent taste; despite her unusual height, this girl possesses a rare beauty, sometimes found in traditional Japanese ladies.
"Very well. Although I am myself quite inexperienced in matters of dating, I shall do my best to help you and offer you advice ... First, I think you should remove your Mohawk wig ... "
"Kamiyama, you're completely misunderstanding the situation. Actually, I ... wait! Look at that!"
Three dangerous-looking punks rushed into the classroom towards the desk of the tall girl. One of them was particularly big and intimidating.
"Well, what do you know, there ARE a few delinquents in this school after all," remarked Kamiyama.
"Oy, Sakaki-sama! We have an emergency! Mihama-san's been kidnapped by some punks from first year! We're in need of your power, Sakaki-sama! You're the best fighter in this school!"
"(Sigh ... ) Let's go," spoke the tall girl in a quiet but resolute voice. She rose and strode to the door, the three hoodlums in tow.
" ... Very well, I admit you were right, Hayashida-kun. However, I'm not sure this disturbs me as much as Chiyochichinosuke-kun."
Author's notes:
-- Chiyo-chichi: means "Chiyo's father"; it's the nickname given to the strange yellow cat in the Azumanga manga / animé
-- Wagahai wa neko de aru: a formal and old fashioned way of saying "I am a cat". That way of speech would be typical of a feudal lord. In episode 25 of the Azumanga animé Chiyo-chichi tells that line to Osaka in a dream sequence.
Actually, Wagahai wa neko de aru is the title of a book by Sôseki Natsume, a very famous novelist of the early 20th century ... Read that book, now! And read also Bocchan (Young Master), by the same author!