Chapter 14: Charge into the future!
(Where we take a guilty peek at Tomo-chan's ero-ero thoughts ... )
Through Tomo's eyes ...
Damn you, Kagura! Stealing MY window seat!
And to add insult to injury, she's been snoring through the whole trip! She could at least try to admire the view or something ... then I could distract her, and make her miss the best parts! It would drive her nuts! Hahaha! ... But nooo! That sleepyhead is hogging the best seat, and blocking MY view! Gah! She deserves for me to drag her into my seat and take her place!
... Yeah, but then I wouldn't be sitting next to Yomi anymore. And I doubt I'd be able to make Yomi and Kagura exchange seats by force! Even if I were the strongest girl in school ... 'cause Yomi's too heavy.
Wait! What's the use of making that wisecrack inside my frigging MIND? ... It's useless if Yomi can't hear it! Damn, and I don't have the opportunity to bring that joke into the conversation, since we're NOT HAVING ONE! Grrr, she's totally ignoring me and reading that tourist pamphlet about Naha city or whatnot!
But I can't just say of the blue: "Yomi, you're heavy!" That'd be uncool.
Hmm, on second thought, it would be pretty funny; something completely random like that would take her by surprise ...
"What do you want, Tomo? Why are you staring at me like that?"
"YOMI! You ... um ... nothing, nothing, hahaha!"
"Uh ... okay."
Nah, that wouldn't have worked; she was on to me. She'd have kept her cool, and just given me that "you're a complete retard" look ... Besides, the binding of that magazine she's holding looks pretty hard.
Back to Kagura ... I'm half-tempted to give that lazybones a little wake-up call! ... What do I mean, "half-tempted"? Since when do I do things by half? Hahahah! Here I come, Kagura!
Whaa! Damn, look at that totally innocent face! Grrr, who gave you permission to sleep like that, without any care in the world? She's got all those auburn locks framing her face, and her mouth is wide open ... and she's even drooling! Gaaah! The cuteness! I won't get tricked!
She's like that damnable Chiyo-chan who's sooo über-cute that you just have to pull on her pigtails, tease her, haul her around, and poke her endlessly!
Nnnyuuu! Now I want to poke Kagura, and do some stuff to her ... maybe I can get her to say something weird in her sleep, or make funny noises! Lessee, if I pinch her nose ...
"Don't even think about it."
"Yomi, you're no fun! Lookie! She's asking for it, by showing off that sleeping face!"
"No."
"But, but, she ... she stole my seat! MY window seat! And now she isn't even enjoying the view! She's wasting a perfectly good window! Didn't her mother teach her not to waste stuff?"
"Be quiet."
"Grrr, that lazy crazy Bonkura will get what she has coming to her!"
"I agree. Here."
Owwww! The binding of that magazine sure is hard!
"Oh, sorry, weren't you talking about yourself?"
"Meanie!"
Damn! That Kagura is still out cold! And how dare she flaunt those huge boobs of her like that? She isn't that much taller than me, so how come they're so big? It's a waste!
... Well, it's not really a waste. More like it's UNFAIR!
She's almost as big as Yomi, and that's saying a lot. Of course, there's Sakaki-chan ... but she's, like, on a completely different scale I guess. Hahaha!
Anyway, don't Kagura's boobs get in the way of her sports and stuff? Give them to me, dammit!
And why is that girl always acting so unaffected and ... natural? She doesn't have the slightest idea how to flaunt her bust correctly! You've got to pose like this and like that, and go "ufuun" and "ahaan" and stuff!
"Wh ... What the hell are you doing, Tomo?"
"Erm ... I was just showing off what a stylish girl I am!"
"To whom, baka? Can't you stay still for five minutes?"
Grrr ... that Yomi! Why can't she stop acting so uncute all the time? Why can't she be more like before, in elementary school? We used to call her "crybaby Yomi"! Aaah, how nostalgic! There wasn't anything cuter than her crying face, all embarrassed and timid and red-cheeked and stuff! Nyyuuuu!
And then, and then ... her face was even cuter when we made up, and she dried her tears and smiled to me shyly ... or when I consoled her, 'cause someone ELSE had made her cry! (Grrrr, that stupid Goro-kun! I hope he still has my teeth marks all over him!)
Yes, those times, she was super-cute ... no she was ultra-cute -- no, über -- no, even more so ... she was META-CUTE!
Why can't I ever catch her like that nowadays? Hm, I probably couldn't get her to cry, unless I got really mean, and ... well, there's no way I'll stoop that low!
Still, I wish I could see her in a situation like ... Kagura is in right now; all vulnerable and stuff. Well, I was almost able to see her sleeping face, last time I went to her house. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why did I have to fall asleep before her?
Well, I was feeling pretty ... weird after all, but she made it all better. Too bad she woke up before me, the next morning. Still, her making me breakfast was really nice.
Bah! Why had I been feeling so weird, anyway? I shouldn't have waited in line under the sun for so long, just to get that video game ... I probably got sunstroke.
(Sigh ... ) Who am I kidding? I was feeling really, really bad. Because Yomi didn't understand. She had been acting so, so ... damn! I thought she didn't want to see me or ...
I wanted ... I wanted her to look at me and ... I just want her to look at me with different eyes.
And graduation time is getting closer. This time, we won't be together anymore. There's no way I'll be able to get into the same college.
NO! No way! It's still far, FAR away! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts! ... THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! That is an order, Officer Takino, you hear me!
"°SAARU! YESSU, SAARU!°"
"Gah! What the Hell's the matter with you, Tomo?"
" ... Oops?"
"Hmpf ... would you please be quiet?"
Grr! Why is that girl always acting like that? Like she's fooling anyone ... well, she sure ain't fooling me! I know the real Yomi!
Come to think of it, she IS fooling everyone else, with that attitude of hers! Everybody thinks she's so serious and stuff. When she's not in uniform, people in the street take her for a librarian or a secretary ...
Oh, I can just picture her as a librarian ... she'd take that kind of pose with her hands on her hips, she'd put on that kind of annoyed expression, she'd make her glasses glint like that, and she'd say "Would you please be quiet? This is a public library!".
"Hey, give me back my glasses! ... Wait, what's with that pose? Are you making fun of me?"
"Hmpf ... would you please be quiet? This is a public airplane ... "
"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Now give them back."
"Hey, that was a pretty good impression of a sexy librarian, right?"
"Wh, what? ... Umm, ahem. Tomo. Can't you let me read in peace?"
Feh, she just wants to read, eh
Wait! Oh ... OH MY GOD! I've just remembered THAT! Oh, Yomi, you're so naïve ... this is the end for you!
"Hohohohoho ... Yomi!"
"Wh ... what?"
"You're ... reading ... right, Yomi?"
"Uhhh ... "
"Wai! Wai! Yomi wa yomu! Yomi wa yomu! Yomi wa yomu!"
"Wh ... what the ... I ... You ... Grr, Argh!"
Oh my God, how could I forget that! In second grade, the teacher gave her the nickname "Yomi" 'cause her name sounds like the verb "to read", and she could read better than everyone else. Then one day, he wrote on the blackboard a whole bunch of examples on how to conjugate that verb, with her as a subject. She was soooo mortified! We teased her endlessly about it ... "Yomi is reading" became a popular joke in the classroom.
"Yomi-chan wa yomimasu! Yomi-chan wa yomimashita! Yomi-chan, yomimashô!"
"Kyaaaaa! Stop it! Stop it! Stopit, stopit, stopit!"
... Wow! I can't believe it's still working! This is, like, the best thing EVER!
"Yomi-sama wa o-yomi-ni nari-masu! Yomi-dono wa yomu de gozaru!"
... Back then, it drove her to tears every time! But I don't think I'll be able to make her cry this time. I'll probably make her ...
"GRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHRRR!"
... snap. Wait! No, not my face! ... ow! OW!
"Help! Help! Yomi snapped! Yomi snapped! Yomi snapped!"
"GYYYAHHHRRGRRRGAAAAAAOOOO!"
Ow, ow, ow! Owowowowowowow!
"Umm, pardon me; would you please be quiet? You are disturbing our other guests ... "
"GRRRRRR ... uh? Oh! I, I'm very sorry, Madam."
"Yeah, you'd better (ow!) apologize, Yomi!"
"GRR?"
"Uh, I mean, I'm also very deeply sorry, °Missu Furaitô Attendanttô°!"
"I beg your pardon, Miss?"
"I meant to say: please forgive me, Sutchî!"
"What? ... Please call me °flight attendant°, Miss!"
"But 'Sutchî' is cuter, right?" I wink at the cute Sutchî.
"Hmpf ... have a good day, Miss."
"Hey, did you see that, Yomi? I made that cute Sutchî blush! Heehee!"
"You ... you ... you're just ... I give up."
Meanwhile...
Chihiro glanced worriedly at her best friend Kaorin, who was huddled in her seat next to the window, her face partially hidden behind a sketchbook in which she was scribbling sadly.
Each time Chihiro had tried to peek over her friend's shoulder, Kaorin had bared her teeth and hissed. Strange, thought the short-haired girl; Kaorin had always been quite willing to show off her cute drawings to her before.
Well, she was used to the funny moods her friend had from time to time. Silly Kaorin! It was probably all about Sakaki-san again, mused Chihiro with a small smile. Although she was kind of disappointed ... she had gone out of her way to sit next to her shy friend, despite them being in different classes; and now Kaorin was acting all emotional again ...
Hopefully, the nice weather and beautiful Okinawa landscapes would cheer her up.
"TAKE THAT, HIMEKO!" ( ... Scribble, scribble, scribble ... )
" ... Umm, Kaorin, who is that ... Himeko person you were screaming about just now?"
"Uhh, nobody, nobody! Ehehe ... "
Through Tomo's eyes ...
Bah. Boring ...
And that stupid Kagura is STILL snoozing!
(Siiiigh ... ) What am I gonna do about college? ... Hey! Not those thoughts again! Damn you, thoughts! Go away, thoughts! Gotta forget those thoughts!
That's where Osaka's "special" abilities might come in handy ... there ARE uses for Osaka's forgetting skills after all! It wasn't a mistake absorbing them, the other day! I can make the bad thoughts go away!
Okay, think like Osaka. Think Osaka. Think Osaka. Think Osaka ... hmm ... hmmmmmm ...
What would Osaka think? She'd say that I'm looking at my problems from the wrong angle. She'd say that if I want to be with Yomi ... DESPITE the fact that I have no chance of getting into the same college, then ... then ... if I can't be near her when she's in college ...
... Then I just have to be near her AFTER college! THAT'S IT! That's the answer! I can share an apartment with her!
It's perfect! I know Dad will be totally okay with it! (And Mom will make a fuss ... but if she knows Yomi is with me, she'll agree too.) All that's left is to convince Yomi! No problem, of course. I'll give it more thought later. Now it's time for celebration! ... But first, I mustn't forget to thank Osaka-shishô!
Oh. She's asleep. Figures.
Well, I guess I'll just thank her through thought-transmission: THANK YOU for teaching this undeserving Tomo-chan all of your skills, Osaka-shishô! I'll never forget your kindness! (Sob!)
And now ...
"Banzai! Banzai! BANZAI!"
... Heh, Yomi is trying hard to ignore me.
Hmm, I wish I could impress Yomi someday. Why is Sakaki-chan hogging all the glory to herself, huh? I, too, would like to play the "I don't want to fight you, yet I'm totally kicking your ass" type of hero.
Although Sakaki-chan looks a little too badass for my tastes. I'd prefer to be a sexy fa ... err, fe, err ... °femmu fataru° ... or whatever the expression is.
I'm tired of being pushed back into the background this year! Why couldn't I be super strong at fighting, too? I bet I have all the natural skills! I won ALL my fights in elementary school, after all! (Grrr, that stupid Goro-kun! I hope he still has my scratch marks all over him!)
Ok, I somehow admit that my raw athletic skills are maybe not as good as Sakaki-chan's, but I've got the potential to be a world-class martial artist! My Ki is limitless after all!
Anyway, years of training in an inferior style like Kagura's would be pointless. I wanna become strong quickly! If only I could get my hands on Master Bob's book! I mean, even someone like Osaka managed to pull off an awesome move after reading it -- although it was probably a fluke.
But it would be too scary to ask Sakaki for the book ... heh, just kidding. Sakaki-chan is super-nice. It's, like, sooo funny that so many people are afraid of her! Only the really evil guys have to watch out.
Speaking of evil, that episode with the so-called "counselor" was pretty messed up. Nyamo-chan and Yukari-chan swore it was some kind of mistake; they said he only had been after Yamamoto Brad, but then he went crazy in the head ... Hmm, still, that's suspicious; I'm smelling a conspiracy. I'll have to investigate later, hehe ...
So, anyway; first I need to get some fighting skills ... but reading a book might be a little tedious. I know! It would be even better if I could get my hands on Master Bob's video! I'll have to ask Osaka to lend it to me.
Haha! I'll kick ass on all the evildoers in school, in Sakaki's place ... she'll probably be grateful, anyway.
Then I'll make a training trip to America, and I'll meet Master Bob, and he'll be sooo impressed that he'll teach me all his secret techniques and stuff ... and then the ICPO will contact me, and beg me to join them! That's right, someone like me doesn't need to pass some stupid examinations!
And then, and then, I'll go to FRANCE! Yay! I read on the Internet that Interpol headquarters are located in France! Way cool! So the Chief -- who wears a beret and a big mustache -- will say, "Mademoiselle Takino, I 'ave a mission of ze utmost eemportance for yoo, becauze yoo are our besst agent!"
And then, I'll have a partner who's a super-handsome French guy, and who'll totally fall in love with me! And he'll woo me all the time with his French charm ... but then an English rival from MI5 will appear, and he'll be totally suave and debonair, and he'll save me from danger once (although I could have gotten out of it myself); and then he'll nearly seduce me!
But then, I'll be sent back to Japan on a mission to unmask a spy from Russia who's trying to get secret documents from the JSDF! Of course, I'll have to use my sexiness to seduce him. And BY A TWIST OF FATE, that Russian spy is actually Yomi's fiancé! (He got close to her because she works as a secretary in a secret JSDF laboratory.)
And then, she'll catch me making out with him, and she'll be totally jealous! And she'll cry and bite her handkerchief in rage! And she'll scream at me, but in the end she'll hug me and cry into my chest ... and then she'll be totally shocked when I tell her, "But, Yomi, it's YOU that I ... "
... Umm, and stuff ...
But then we GET ATTACKED! By KGB agents! And then I SHOOT EVERYBODY! And Yomi is soo impressed! And then , and THEN ... kyaaaaah! We hug and stuff! ... and there's also this and that! Heeheehee!
... And then I'll say, "keep your stockings and shoes on, Koyomi ... "
GYYYUUUUAAAAAAH! Just kidding!
"What's the matter with you again, Tomo? Hey! What's with that face? You ... you look ... weird!"
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! She's staring at me! Damn! My face must look totally, uhh ... ecchi! And I'm blushing like mad! What to do? What to do? ... Grrr, Yomi, trying to embarrass me, will ya? Well, no use shying away from her! In fact I have the perfect counter-measure: I grin like a loon, cackle like mad, and draw my face close to hers.
"Gyehehe ... Yomi ... "
"Uhh, what are you doing?"
"Nyehehehehe! Yooomiiii ... "
"S ... stay away!"
"Yoooomiiiiiii -- KYAAAAAAAAAAH! What the hell's happening! The ... the plane is falling! It's FALLING! We're gonna CRASH!"
"Uh, Tomo, calm down! It's just -- "
"No! NO! NONONONO! I don't wanna die! I can't die! Not when I finally have my perfect plan for happiness! HEEEEEEEEELP!"
"YOMI DOUBLE CHOP!"
Owwwww.
"Tomo! Stop making a scene -- again! It's just an air pocket!"
"Your attention, please: the captain wishes to apologize for the light turbulence we are currently encountering. Passengers are advised to get back to their seats and fasten their seat belts. We will land in Naha International Airport in approximately 35 minutes. Temperature in Naha, Okinawa prefecture, is 31°C."
"See? Nothing to worry about. Um, by the way, Tomo, what is that ... 'plan for happiness' you were screaming about just now?"
"Uhh, nothing, nothing! Ehehe ... "
"If you say so."
"Ah! Look! Kagura is STILL out cold!"
"Lucky her."
Author's notes:
-- Lazy Crazy Bonkura: it's the title of a song from the Azumanga OST, sung by Kagura's voice actress, Kuwashima Hôko.
-- "Yomi is reading": this is a play on words on the Japanese verb yomu, which means "to read". Yomi's real first name is Koyomi; Yomi is actually a nickname, which means "the reading (girl)".
As for what Tomo is saying, we have:
"Yomi wa yomu": "Yomi is reading", in a familiar way of speech.
"Yomi-chan wa yomimasu": "Yomi is reading", in a polite way of speech.
"Yomi-chan wa yomimashita": "Yomi has been reading", in a polite way of speech.
"Yomi-chan, yomimashô!": "Let's read, Yomi."
"Yomi-sama wa o-yomi-ni nari-masu": "Yomi is reading", in a very polite and formal way of speech.
"Yomi-dono wa yomu de gozaru": "Yomi is reading", in a very old-fashioned and polite form. This is typical "samurai speech".
-- Sutchî: this is a typical nickname for a flight attendant in Japan. By the way, this is also a reference to Excel Saga ...
-- Shishô: Means "master", as in "martial arts master". In episode 13 of the Azumanga Animation, Tomo "absorbs" Chiyo's genius abilities and Sakaki's athletic skills. Unfortunately, Osaka also gives her her "forgetting skills".
-- "Femmu fataru": Tomo's special way of pronouncing "femme fatale".
-- ICPO in France: Yes, Interpol's headquarters are located in the town of Lyon, France. However, Tomo is mistaken: Interpol's current General Secretary isn't French; his name is Ronald K. Noble, and he's an American. He does have a big mustache, though ...By the way, if Tomo had made the effort to read a little more about Interpol, she'd have realized that their agents never conduct investigations themselves; in reality, they manage a huge international criminal database, and send relevant information to local police forces all over the world. So, basically, you'll be stuck with "boring computer work", Tomo-chan ...