Abbie scratched out the last sentence she had written and started over again. She was just finishing the revision when she heard Ricci's voice out in the hallway. The door to her office was open which allowed her to hear what was being said. Putting down her pen she looked up and out her window into the office. She could see Toni standing just outside her door talking to a man. He worked in the office, Abbie knew that, he was a paralegal for one of the lawyers a few doors down.
"Come on Toni," the man said with a somewhat rakish grin.
"I really can't Bob," Toni said firmly yet gently.
"Please," Bob asked raising both hands in front of his face and placing them together. "You're breaking my heart," he added when Ricci still looked unconvinced.
"I've got to go," Toni said side-stepping around him.
"Is it someone else?" Bob asked turning around to watch her exit. "Are you seeing someone?"
"Yeah," Toni answered taking the few steps to Abbie's door. "Her, I'm seeing her right now," Toni continued pointing to the name plate on the door.
"That's not what I meant," Bob said looking at her with a frown. Toni waved and closed the door.
Toni turned around to find Abbie gazing at her with an amused expression on her face. Her head was resting on the palm of her hand and she looked quite comfortable. Toni walked over to the chair in front of her desk and sat down. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair staring right back at Abbie.
"What?" Ricci asked finally though a smile that mirrored Abbie's started to work its way across her face.
"Nothing," Abbie said removing her hand from her head and picking her pen back up. "You're just cute that's all."
"I'm sure Bob didn't think it was all that adorable," Toni said watching Abbie play with the pen in her hand.
"I suppose not," Abbie responded finishing up the sentence she had started before getting distracted.
"How's the opening coming?" Toni asked leaning forward try and take a look at it.
"It's coming along," Abbie responded scanning over what she had written. "Here," she said sliding the sheet over to Toni. Toni looked up at her surprised.
"Really?" the red-head asked even though she scooped the sheet up fast enough. In the past Abbie had always been secretive about her opening and closing statement, she never let anyone read them. This one was only half done but it was still highly unusual.
"Yeah," Abbie responded lightly though her gaze was intense. Toni met her gaze for a moment then picked up the piece of paper and read over what had been written carefully. Abbie's hand writing was small and angular with a lot of sharp turns with just a few loops spread throughout. However, despite the sharpness of it the writing flowed beautifully from letter to letter and word to word. It was just the sort of cursive Toni would have expected Abbie to have. She had never before considered what kind of handwriting her lovers had had, it was a little thing that hadn't concerned her in the past, but she found that she was thinking about little things like that with Abbie, that things she once would have considered inconsequential were now important to her.
"Bang-up job," Toni said somewhat distractedly as she slid the paper back over to Abbie.
"Are you okay?" Abbie asked turning the sheet of paper around so that it was facing her again.
"Not really," Toni answered truthfully with a thoughtful expression on her face.
"Okay," Abbie said slowly watching Toni carefully. "Why?"
"Because," Toni responded her voice lowering, "I'm slightly terrified."
"About what?" Abbie asked searching Toni's face. She knew that it wasn't about the case, she knew that it was something more important than that but she didn't know what.
"About..." Toni started then paused as she looked around the office stopping extra long to stare out the window that lead to the office. "About us," she continued pulling her chair forward and resting her elbows on Abbie's desk.
"Us," Abbie repeated. She didn't like the tone Toni was using. "Okay, is this thing about us good or bad?"
"It's good," Toni said trying to reassure Abbie. She was sure that Carmichael wasn't even aware of the look on her face but it was slightly panicky and that wasn't what Toni was aiming for. "It's just that it's also terrifying," Toni continued. She glanced at the window to the offices again and Abbie realized that it was a significant gesture. She got up and walked over to the window closing the blinds.
"Terrifying how?" Abbie asked sitting back down. Toni examined the rest of the room again, and Abbie watched her closely. Toni was nervous and Toni was very rarely nervous. The first night in her office was really the only time that she had seen Ricci unstrung. However she considered that she was very rarely insecure as well, except for when it came to Ricci.
"I think it's cute that you're left handed," Toni said finally as if that explained everything.
"I really don't have a choice in the matter, but I'm elated that you enjoy it," Abbie responded.
"That's exactly the point," Toni said looking at Abbie intensely now. "You're just you being you, and I...I'm..." she paused again searching for the right words, searching for what she was actually trying to say. "I'm falling, if I haven't already fallen, in love with you. And the reality of that is as terrifying as it is exhilarating, because right now when it comes to you I'm not really in control and I want that, but I'm also scared of it."
Once Toni finished speaking Abbie continued to watch her for a minute. To Toni her eyes seemed to become luminescent with forming tears. Abbie then stood up and walked around the desk until she was standing in front of Toni's chair. She reached out her hand and touched Toni on the shoulder urging her to stand. Once Toni was standing Abbie placed her hand on the side of her face then leaned in and brought their lips together. She had said it before, she wasn't good at emotional conversations, her words would usually fail her in situations like these, or so she supposed since she had never really been a situation like that before. So she decided that the best way to communicate what she was feeling to Toni would be to show her.
When they separated they remained close together but not quite touching. Toni's hand was on Abbie's waist, and Abbie's hand was on the back on Toni's neck. They both knew that this wasn't the time or the place, that anyone could walk in and see them, but they couldn't completely tear themselves away from each other.
"I'm scared too," Abbie said finally placing her lips next to Toni's ear. "Sometimes when I think about you I have to sit down because the whole world starts to spin around me and I feel like I'm going to fall over. Never in my life have I felt so out of control, so...vulnerable, and it's scary yes, but I don't ever want it to go away, cause I know what that feels like, and, well...it kind of sucks. So," she continued pulling back so that she could see Toni's face. "As stupid as this is going to sound," she continued with a smile. "I'm sure that everything will be alright, as long as we work through it together, with each other."
"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" Toni asked tucking a stray strand of hair behind Abbie's ear.
"No," Abbie responded. "I'm saying that to make me feel better," she continued with a smile. Toni looked up at her for a moment then started to laugh. Abbie leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
"Are you busy right now?" Toni asked a moment later.
"Nah, I'm just preparing some notes to put away a murderer. Why?" Abbie asked looking down at her.
"I want to be with you," Toni said looking up at her.
"You are with me," Abbie responded a small smile working its way across her face. "Seriously though, where would we? I'd offer to sweep all the stuff off of my desk, but some of it's bolted down, and the other stuff is fragile."
"Fragile, what have you got in here, Grandma's china set?" Toni asked looking over at the desk.
"Grandma collected shotguns," Abbie responded.
"My car's downstairs," Toni said ignoring Abbie's response.
"You want to do it in the back of your Beamer?" Abbie asked a huge smile working its way across her face.
"Yeah, I do," Toni responded looking at her. "Is that going to be a problem?"
"Not for me," Abbie responded taking Toni's hand into hers.
Mr. White stood up buttoning his blazer as he walked from around behind the desk. He nodded towards the judge then approached the stand where officer O'Brien was seated.
"How was it that you became aware that a shooting had taken place?" White asked O'Brien.
"A call was placed to the station," said O'Brien. "Then we got a call about a 187 and headed over to the store."
"Do you know who placed the call?"
"I didn't at the time, but I was later informed that it was the shooter," O'Brien answered fidgeting a bit. Mr. White looked at the judge for a moment no doubt debating complaining about the description of his client, but thankfully he said nothing.
"So Mrs. Barret placed the call herself. Tell me Mr. O'Brien, have you investigated many shootings?" White asked.
"All the time. I do work for the NYPD you know," O'Brien responded smirking a bit at his last comment.
"In the majority of those cases did the accused call the police themselves and wait for the police to arrive?"
"In the majority..."
"Yes or no Mr. O'Brien," White said interrupting him.
"No," O'Brien answered looking at White rather nastily.
"What does the fact that Mrs. Barret called the police say to you Mr. O'Brien?" White asked turning to face the jury. "To me it says she had nothing to hide."
"Objection," Abbie said standing up. "The question goes to state of mind, which officer O'Brien couldn't possibly know. Also his last comment was leading."
"Sustained," the judge said turning to Mr. White. "Watch yourself."
"What was the state of the store when you arrived?" Mr. White asked turning his attention back to the stand.
"There were some things thrown around but it wasn't torn up or anything," O'Brien answered.
"But there had obviously been some kind of commotion?"
"Yes."
"Could you describe Mrs. Barret's state when you entered the store for us, please?" White asked.
"Objection," Abbie said once again shooting White a look. White returned the look.
"If Miss Carmichael was paying attention instead of timing her objections, she'd know that I'm not asking him to testify as to her state of mind, but as to what he himself observed. Surely he's capable of testifying to that," White responded.
"Overruled," the judge said before turning her attention back to the stand.
"She was shaken up I suppose," O'Brien answered with a shrug.
"Shaken up?"
"Yeah, she looked kinda pale. Here husband was holding her," O'Brien answered. "You know, shaken up."
"Is it common for store owners to have firearms in their stores for protection?" White asked pacing beside the jury box.
"In this city, sure," O'Brien answered. "But most of them bought theirs legally," he added before White could move on. White glared at him and Abbie smiled.
"How many shots were fired by Mrs. Barret?" Abbie asked as she walked over to the stand.
"Six. She emptied the enter chamber," O'Brien answered. Abbie turned around and raised an eyebrow as she looked at the jury.
"That's a lot of bullets," she commented. As she continued towards the desk she saw White shot up out of his seat. The judge spoke before him though.
"Council you are not to communicate directly with the members of the jury. Is that understood?"
"Yes, your honor," Abbie responded before returning her attention to office O'Brien. "How were the bullets distributed?"
"The first boy, the one closest to the counter was shot once, the other boy was shot five times in the stomach."
"How far away from the counter were the bodies located?" Abbie asked heading back towards the desk.
"The first boy was found approximately three meters away form the counter, and the second boy was a meter behind him," O'Brien responded.
"What did Mrs. Barret tell you when you questioned her about the circumstance leading up to the shooting?"
"She said that the kids were tossing stuff around, and that then one of them threatened her. Then she said that's when she saw a knife in one of their hands and reached for her gun. When he came towards her that's when she shot him, and then after that she shot the other one...when he supposedly came at her too."
"Did you find a knife or any other weapon on either of the boys?"
"No, both of them were unarmed."
"How about in the rest of the store? Did you find any weapons around the rest of the floor in case it was dropped when the boys were shot?"
"We conducted a thorough search of the store, no weapon was located. Only thing we found near them was a can of coke."
"So it's your testimony that the boys were standing a fair distance away from the counter when they were shot, and that they were both unarmed?" Abbie asked.
"Yes, that's correct."
"How long have you been an officer with the NYPD?"
"Fifteen years in May," O'Brien responded proudly.
"In your experienced opinion based on the evidence, would you say that Mrs. Barret was in any physical danger at the time the shots were fired?"
"Objection," White said standing up. "Officer O'Brien was no there, he can't possibly testify as to what danger my client was in at any particular moment."
"Officer O'Brien is qualified to testify as to opinions formed as a result of his investigation," Abbie countered immediately.
"I'll allow it, but be careful Ms. Carmichael," the judge responded.
Abbie smiled and turned back to face O'Brien.
Toni rested her ear over Abbie's heart and listened as her breathing returned to normal. She found that she liked to do that, listen to Abbie's heartbeat. It was an intensely intimate gesture and she liked the feeling of closeness that enveloped her when she did it. It was almost as if she was inside her heart. When she felt Abbie's breathing return to normal she rolled off her and lay her head down on her pillow.
"Can I ask you something?" Abbie asked a moment later.
"You know you can," Toni responded shifting so that they were looking at each other.
"When did you know?"
"Know what?" Toni asked quizzically.
"That you were gay?" Abbie asked point-blank. That was how Toni would have expected the question to come, Abbie had the subtleties of a battering-ram.
"When I was fifteen, the spring of grade ten," Toni said with a wistful smile. "There was a girl who sat two seats across from me, Stefanie," Toni continued. "For about three weeks I couldn't take my eyes off of her, then my musing took on a more interesting leaning. While it was hardly a revelation I was thrilled to make, I made it. I held on to the bi security blanket for a few years...alright for more than a few years," she admitted ruefully. "Then I just...I said to hell with it and went out and bought the latest Melissa Ethridge album."
"Was it hard for you?" Abbie asked when Toni had finished.
"Not to come out to myself," Toni responded. "I was actually surprised that it wasn't a bigger a deal for me. However," Toni continued dragging out the word. "My mother still kind of thinks it's a phase."
"Hmmm," Abbie said thoughtfully as she rested her head back down on her pillow.
"What about you?" Toni asked raising up onto her arm and looking down at Abbie.
"I grew up in Texas," Abbie responded wearily.
"How old were you?" Toni asked brushing a strand of hair out of her face.
"Seventeen, almost eighteen," Abbie responded. "At least that's how old I was when I finally admitted it to myself," she continued. "I dated about three different guys that same year, I guess somewhere in the back of my head I thought that if I surrounded myself with enough testosterone it'd dilute my attraction to the fairer sex."
"Did it work?"
"Obviously not," Abbie responded with a smirk. Toni leaned down and kissed her softly.
"You've got issues don't you?" Ricci asked seriously once they separated. Abbie looked at her for a moment before answering.
"A few," she responded in a half sigh as she looked away. "I've been living like a nun for a long time."
"Hey," Toni said drawing Abbie's eyes back to her. "We'll work through it."
"Why do you put up with me?" Abbie asked as Toni settled back down. "I know that I'm a pain in the ass."
"I like my women butch," Toni deadpanned. Abbie turned over and stared at her for a second.
"I'm not butch," Abbie stated. "I'm a bitch, there's a difference. I'm not sure exactly what that difference is only that it's there."
"Can you change the oil in a car?" Toni snuggling up to Abbie's side.
"Yes," Abbie responded. "But..."
"You're butch."
"I'm from Texas," Abbie stated as if that answered everything.
"So, that doesn't mean anything useless your dad's Hank Hill," Toni told her.
"The semblance is frightening," Abbie responded with a smile. "My dad did sell propane and propane accessories."
Abbie stood up straightening her shirt then walked out in front of the desk to face the members of the jury. Her expression was serious but not harsh. She wanted to convey to them the seriousness of the case and their decision, but she didn't want them to feel pressured.
"Two boys are dead," she started looking each of the jurors in the eye. "As a direct result of Mary Barrett's actions that night, two lives were taken." She paused in her oration to walk back towards to desk. "Whether or not she killed Dylan Anderson and Jeff Blaine is not up for debate. She herself admitted that she shot them down. The reason we're here is because she wants to appeal. Appeal to out compassion, appeal to us for acceptance of her actions." Abbie stopped walking and turned to face the members of the jury again. Her expression softened slightly but her tone remained serious. "Dylan and Jeff cannot appeal to you anymore. That was taken away from them on the night of March 10th along with their lives. The sad truth of the matter is that these boys did not have to die!"
Her voice was raising now, filled with passion. "Mrs. Barrett did not have to let them in, she did not have to draw that gun, and she did not, should not, have fired at a pair of unarmed boys. She was angry, they had assaulted her husband, vandalized her store and insulted her, and the police did nothing. She was at the end of her rope, and maybe even a little bit scared, so what did she do? She went out and bought an illegal fire arm, and put it under her counter, so that next time she'd be ready and they'd be dead. Did being angry and frustrated give her the right to murder two kids? No, absolutely not."
She paused again glancing at the floor before slowly raising her head again so that she was looking directly at the jurors. "Sorry is not enough. Mrs. Barrett made a decision and acted on that decision. Because of that two people are dead. No...." she said shaking her head, "sorry is not enough."
With that she cast one last look in the jurors direction, her eyes silently pleading with them to make the right decision. To do their duty. Then she walked back to the desk and sat down glancing at Toni. Ricci smiled and Abbie let out a little breath she had been holding. It was up to the jury now.
"Man one, How do you feel about it?" Toni asked pulling on Abbie's gloves as they walked down the steps of the courthouse. Abbie placed her hat on her head and stuffed her hands into her pocket before responding.
"I'm fine with it," she said stepping over a discarded coffee cup. "What about you?"
"I didn't want to see her go away for the rest of her life. I think the jury made the right decision," Toni responded as they hit the sidewalk. Abbie reached out and placed her hand on Toni's back half pushing her to the left. "I take it we're going left," Toni said smirking.
"Uh huh," Abbie said dropping her hand once they were heading in the right direction.
"Would it have killed you to just tell me we were going left?" Toni asked glancing to her side.
"Yes, Toni, it actually would've killed me," Abbie responded. Toni reached out and punched her gently in the arm. Abbie leaned in towards her and for a moment they remained close, barely touching, watching each other before separating again.
"So are you going to tell me where we're going?" Toni asked once they started walking again. The office was in the other direction.
"To Disneyland," Abbie responded promptly. Toni shot a look in her direction.
"Where are we really going?"
"The weather in Orlando's great this time of year, and at Epcot they've got glasses of beer that are this big," Abbie said separating her hands to show Toni just how big the glasses were. Toni just looked over at her and stared at her for a moment. "Come on, it's a surprise," Abbie said finally starting to become unnerved by the look on her girlfriend's face.
"A surprise?" Toni asked dubiously.
"Yeah, we're going to celebrate," Abbie said with a smile.
"Is this what you and McCoy do after every case?" Toni asked stepping out of the way of a roller bladder.
"No, we usually just fight over who's going to do the paper work," Abbie responded.
"Who usually wins?"
"He does," Abbie admitted ruefully.
"So what's so special about this case?" Toni asked moving closer to Abbie to make way for the pack of teenagers about to pass them.
"Nothing," Abbie responded looking over at Toni. "We're not going out because of the case."
"Then why are we going out?" Toni asked meeting Abbie's gaze. Abbie paused for a second dropping her gaze to her feet before bringing her eyes up to meet Toni's again. Her face clear, and her eyes staid, and for a moment she just looked at Toni before a beatific smile worked its way across her face.
"Because this," she said joining their hands together. "Is more of a reason to celebrate than any case." Toni looked down at their joined hands staring at them for a moment before tilting her head back up so that their eyes met, then she smiled.
As they started back down the street Toni's mind drifted back to the conversation they had had in Abbie's office after their first kiss in Abbie's apartment, more accurately back to the question Abbie had asked her that night. What's next? When she had answered her that night, she hadn't known, she hadn't known where they were going, or how she was feeling, or where she wanted them to go. But as they walked down the street Toni realized that just like on that night weeks ago, she was still scared, and still uncertain. She knew that the road they had started down was not going to be an easy one, but as she felt Abbie squeeze her hand she knew with a certainty that she had never felt before that she didn't care where they went or how arduous the journey, as long as they went together.