Chapter Five - Playhouse
Our back yard was packed with people, from fence to house... there was not as single space available. More people than I ever thought could have fit into my back yard, as we met our soon to be other side of the family in all of their glory. The hot weather that blanketed this get-together seemed to make everything feel stuffier that the people were.
For the most part, they all seemed to be pretty much normal... even the idiot my Aunt was going to marry in just a couple of days. I still thought that he was a dork, but at least he seemed to be a normal dork... and my aunt seemed to love him very much. I guess that should say it all, but he still was this stuffy, totally out of touch geeky dork in my eyes. Looking at how he was dressed for this little party... I could not deny that he was.
With the yard so full of people as it was, I just chosen to stay off to the sides as the party was going on, and away from most of my more embarrassing relatives that were milling about in this crowd. After the little talk I unfortunately had with my Auntie the day before, I did not want to be cornered again. I knew that she was capable of picking up right where she had stopped.
Feeling hot and tired and just plain fed up from the long day I had endured up to now, I just wanted to be away from all of this. We had been at the mall all day, then had ran around to a few other places as well all across the city... enduring the squabbling that still was going on with various parts of the bridal party. It was a nightmare that I knew I never could wake up from... reality had a way of really sucking.
When we had finally arrived back home after the mall thing, it was only a very short amount of time before we were descended upon by all of these people. Libby then had disappeared with her mother as soon as we had came back, to help with some work for the mass of people that had invaded us. That left me to deal with all of these people that I did not even know, all the while watching my soon to be married Aunt nearly having a nervous breakdown at the same time.
The pre-wedding thing was now in full swing, and I was hating every minute of it by this point. I needed to find someway.. Or it was more like someplace to get a real break from all of this, but just how the backyard was so overcrowd, that was proving to be hard thing to find. There was seemingly not one clear patch or free place to sit... with how badly it was like this, it was a miracle in of itself that I found room to just stand.
I finally had to move somewhere, as the crush of people was making me feel pretty close to claustrophobic, my mind feeling like it was being squeezed. Trying to relieve this feeling, I started to push through the crowd with my cold drink tightly in my hand... to search for somewhere to go that would not have someone already in that spot. I soon came to realize that my searching could end up being in vain.
I could not go to the trailer I was sharing with Libby, as it had been opened up and used to have the open bar by my Mom and Dad for the many people collected here to get their drinks. I was also all too aware that there were too many that were in the house as well, so I could not go there. I grumbled and kept on moving through the ‘swarm’. There seemed to be no place whatsoever.
" There is more people than in this damned city!!" I said to myself, feeling frustrated.
I simply hung out in the crowd for awhile longer, always on the lookout for a place that would have a little more ‘elbow room’, as my father always said. People nodded to me and introduced themselves with great friendliness, but thankfully they did not linger too long. Almost three hours into this little pre-wedding party, it was starting to look like I was going to have to just put up with the whole thing until everyone cleared out of here later... whenever that was going to be.
I then had to smile when I finally came to a place in the crowd that I could see my old playhouse sitting off in a far corner of our yard. My father had made the amazing little building for me when I was about six or seven years old, and I had so many good memories of playing in it over the years. I looked at it carefully, and could see that it was the only place in the entire yard, that seemed to have no one around it... and perhaps nobody in it as well. Smiling with my discovery, I headed for it.
The small two level playhouse did have no one inside when I entered. I felt this pleasant sense of relief to finding not overrun by these soon to be relatives. I closed the door behind me, assured that no one had seen me come in here... finally finding the peace I was so really needing to get through these few days.
Even though I was still very short in stature, the place seemed way more cramped than I was expecting it to be. In truth, I had not stepped foot in this place in almost three years, by what I could remember. The place seemed so small, like going into a walk-in closet... but I quickly came to appreciate that aspect of the little house The fact that it was empty, helped that along quite nicely
I found that my little white and brown coloured furniture and various other things from my not so far off youth still were in there like always, as well as a few other collected things my father needed do the lawn care with. With no one inside this playhouse, I was finally glad to find some freed up space that I could just sit and basically hid away in.
" Perfect..." I said to myself, feeling as if I had hit the jackpot in finding my little play house.
I took a seat on top of the little table, not trusting myself to be sitting in either one of the chairs. It was true that I only weigh just over ninety pounds, but the little chairs looked like they would have never held me, even if I tried. I took a long breath in of the very heavy air that was inside of this childhood house, and relaxed. The fact that I was relatively alone, made my day feel a little better than it had been.
Sitting there enjoying a little peace, I slowly drank my pop while trying not to think about how hot it was in here. Despite the fact that I was wearing my lightest sundress I owned today, the air in the playhouse, as well as outside, was almost stifling with how heavy and humid it was. I could feel myself actually sweating while I sat there, the mugginess of the early evening air was almost to the point of being overwhelming.
It was a few minutes later, a noise caught my attention. I looked up at the low ceiling that was in this place, and could tell that the noise had came from upstairs, in the loft of my playhouse. I waited to hear it again, thinking that I already knew what it was.
I thought it could be one of those blasted squirrels that were always running around up there... so many of those pesky furry rodents had tried to make a home on the second level over the years that it was not far from possible... but when I heard that noise again a little more louder than the first time, it was clearly not any animal that had made it... there was someone up in the loft.
Nervous, I was not sure who would be up there, considering there were so many people at our house right now... but I was curious to who would be up there. I considered whether or not I should really go up there alone to see who was there, or if I should go get my parents to check on it for safety reasons. I decided that I needed to do this myself, and stood up... still more than just a little scared of what I might find.
Cautiously, I went up the little flight of wooden steps that led to the loft, thinking that it might be my twin boy cousins that were up there playing around, they always seemed to have popped up in the most unusual of places. I may not like the two young boys very much, since they were always such a big pain and for destroying my room like they had done, but I did not want to scare them either. I made sure that I was not too quiet, so as not to scare the living shit out of them..
I nearly fell back down the stairs at the moment I could see into the room. I came to find that it was Libby who was sitting up in the loft... and alone. She was just sitting there on the floor of the empty space, staring out the window that overlooked into our next door neighbour’s yard while mindlessly fingering the hem of her jean skirt. I was now a little more worried, as this was the second time I had caught her like this in only a few hours. I knew something was really bothering her.
She turned at the sound of my being there, and seemed to gasp. It was obvious that she had not even heard me coming up the stairs.
" Amy!" She said sharply, her body twitching.
" You found a place to be away from all of these people, hu?" I asked, looking at her just sitting there.
" Er, yeah... away..." She said, almost stammering in a pretty much scattered sort of way.
" Why were you out her all alone like this?" I asked her, clearing the stairs to stand just inside of the loft.
Libby’s face seemed to grow very flushed as she sat there, her averted downwardly... not even venturing a look at me now. I shifted on my feet a little, as this unusual feeling of awkwardness seemed to radiate from my Cousin.
" You have been acting so damned weird today..." I commented while taking a step towards her.
Libby turned away even more, now not even facing me with her body. I was stunned at her actions towards me, that it was feeling as if I was being ignored or something.
" Now look, Libby..." I said, now actually feeling almost frustrated with my cousin. " Your acting so damned wired today, and I cant take it any longer... what is it that is bothering you ?"
" What is it?" She echoed back my question.
" Yeah... Like, what the hell is going on with you?" I said back, with a little more sternness. " You have been acting strange all day, seeming like you are drifting off into la-la land there. Was it that what happened this morning, waking up to find me nearly naked in front of you? I admit that was... very rude of me to do, but I needed to pee really badly an’..."
" I know why..." She said softly, her eyes still not looking at me fully. " That is not... it..."
" Then have I said something... or even did something that made you upset with me?" I asked, not understanding this girl’s odd way of acting towards me. " What!"
She turned her head and looked at me finally... there was something very different held in her blue eyes. I waited, wanting to have an answer so I could fix whatever it was that I did... or whatever she was seeing I was doing..
" It is about this morning... but not they way you were thinking it was..." She blurted out, obviously not totally knowing how to explain herself.
" Not about... but about?" I said, pushing Libby to explain herself more. " That don’t make sense..."
" It’s not that... only over they years... and... I..." She sputtered, not making any sense whatsoever.
My mind jumped, as a thought came to me... something that I was shocked at. I felt myself tighten, as I was sure of what my mind had came up with.
" Your regretting that you have apologized to me then... that it was not the truth? Is that it... you want to take away your apology for some sick, twisted reason?" I said, feeling a little hurt by what it possibly could have been
Libby moved closer, now we were basically face to face, her eyes looking right at me with confusion over something inside..
" No... that was all true, every last word of it..." She said, her voice having this rare pleading sort of tone to it, but it also was showing the raw emotions that were just behind it all. " I had been such a bitch to you over the years, and yet I now see things so clearly now... I figured out why I was bulling you like I was..."
" If it is not that... then what in the hell are you trying to say?" I asked, still not understanding.
" It’s hard... and a little strange.. To just come out with something...." She stammered, her hands wringing themselves to the point her finger were red with it. " I am not even sure myself... yet I am and..."
With her words trailing off, Libby paused right where she stood for a moment, looking at me with quivering eyes. I waited with confused interest, my own eyes never once moving from her face. What ever the truth really was... what ever this was all about I was not sure of. I was just wanting to know it.
Suddenly, the girl made a quick move right at me, then ended up planting a long kiss right on my lips while wrapping her arms around me. I froze, as Libby gave me that long, hanging kiss with such tenderness while squeezing me against her body. I had no idea what to do, while the girl was kissing me like this. I literally just stood there with my legs feeling like they now were made out of water and my heart pounding nearly out of my body... and every part of me was tingling away wildly.
She broke the kiss with her face turning a very dark shade of red as her eyes gazed into mine. She seemed to be just as stunned as I was, showing it by putting her hand up to her mouth and letting out a sharp a gasp that seemed to echo through the playhouse. I could not say anything either, nor could I make myself move an inch as well. We were just there, staring at each other for a long time.
Libby then just pushed herself past me shot down the little staircase to the main floor area. I wanted to follow, but still could not make myself move, feeling so dumbfounded as I could only listen to the door of the playhouse burst open and then close with a sharp banging noise. I was finally was able to take in a long breath while listening to Libby’s running footsteps over the noise of the party still going on out there.
The running sounds seemed to then quickly melt into the sounds of the gathering, then that was all I was left with. There was a very curious feeling of being absolutely alone come through the loft.
Stunned was not a strong enough of a word to begin to explain what I was feeling. It was a mixture of pure shock, a great amount of confusion and this all over feeling of lust mixing with an attraction that I had never felt before. The only thing my mind was able to do, was to replay the kiss over... my shock taking care of that.
I put my hand up to my lips, still feeling how Libby’s kiss felt on me. I could smell the light floral sent of her perfume that now I noticed hung in the deadness of the heat. My mind spun with so many things, that I sunk to my knees and sat there... my mind now hitting on whatever it was that had been there, poking at me, since meeting Libby again for the first time in years.
I was being attracted to her... more than any boy I have known ever.... the fact that I had never been attracted to a boy also raised questions. I never had really questioned that for myself as yet, but now I was.
"What did all of this really mean?" I shook my head as the reality of everything started to hit me right then and there.
I rubbed my cheek, my mind spun. One single thing now was coming to me, a question that I had never even thought about now was front and center
" Am I in love with Libby??" I whispered to the room.
It seemed so impossible... almost surreal, I thought. Many things crossed through my mind. Was I gay? Was I actually attracted to girls... actually to one that happened to be my own cousin? Could that be what I have been feeling all along? My mind spun with ever one of these thoughts that seemed to batter me. I wanted desperately to fight all of this off, but my mind was not cooperating.
The facts were starting to become so clear... what I was feeling all of this time and just why I was reacting like this. It was all starting to fit.... I was in love with Libby.... and apparently she was in love with me. Guess her bulling me was just a outlet for what she had been feeling all along.
I finally stood back up after an long time of sitting in the quietness of the loft. I headed back down the tiny stairs, my mind still as confused as it was right after Libby had kissed me. I retrieved my still half full drink from where I had set it on the table that I had been using earlier and went out to join the pre-wedding party.
My mind still trying to make heads or tails out of this as I wove through the virtual sea of people that had came here for this. Let me tell you, my mind was not letting up any either. I was just overwhelmed by it all, and confused as all hell.
I went back through the crowd to where my own family was hanging out when I had went on my little search. Just beside the backdoor to the house where the barbecue was set up, I found my parents were sitting and having a lengthy conversation with the Mother and Father of the groom.
I was introduced to them with apparent pride, but I seemed not to ever be there at the moment... my mind was way too busy for that. Honestly, if I had been asked what their names were at that moment, I could have not told you. I just was in this fog like state, feeling unsure of anything at the time.
As the evening wore on, I found myself needing to find where it was that Libby had gone off to. I did not know what I could say to her, after all of this had happened, but my need was there nonetheless. I looked in various places in and around the house, and asked anyone who was not busy talking to the groom’s family or carting out more food for the party
I could not find her anywhere, not even hiding in her Mother’s car. I ended up having to sit while listening to my bragging cousin Tammy Lee, who was still boasting about her so remarkable boyfriend and everything else under the sun. In my state of being totally so confused, I was so glad that I was able to ignore her... even though she went on and on. She just did, without ever once seeing that I was not listening to her for once second.
I knew once bedtime came, we had to be in the same place. I nervously just had to wait for that time.