Ghosts and Memories
Arietta sighed as she looked out to sea. They had been sailing for days, and yet nothing had happened. It seemed anti-climactic to her after all that had happened. What had become of her visions of saving people from harm, of being a heroine? Perhaps, she realized, the reality would not live up to the dream. The White Ship had big ideas, but the reality was the survival of the stateless and unwanted. They had no place to call home. Life aboard ship was all there was, the endless boring days of rolling oceans. Was this how her life was going to be from now on?
She had met virtually everybody on the ship, and was friendly with most of the higher officers. Despite that, she felt that she was alone, a newcomer in an already well-formed clique. While everybody was polite to her, few people had really taken the time to get to know her, and they stayed away from her when Selesti was around, as though she were some dark shadow hanging over Arietta. Arietta hated the way the world looked at Selesti. Certainly, she had done some awful things which even she was finding hard to forgive, but that was personal. Selesti had done nothing to the others, and yet they shunned her for having betrayed Arietta. It was hard to be strong, Arietta knew from her time in the prison. Was it such a crime to break under pressure?
She heard footsteps approaching, and saw Pandora, a girl a few years younger then herself, another one of the White Knights. Pandora had been sent into exile by her people because of her natural ability to use magic - something considered unnatural and evil in the land she came from. Arietta had been awed by Pandora’s ability and could not fathom why the ability to heal in particular could be considered evil, but then in a world where love was a crime, that wasn’t so much of a surprise. People feared what they could not understand, and a rare power like magic was not easily grasped.
“Arietta,” Pandora said, “Is everything all right?”
“Yes,” Arietta sighed, “How long will it take for us to reach San Ria?”
“A few more days,” Pandora said, “But that wasn’t what you really wanted to ask, was it?”
“I want to know when I will become a White Knight,” Arietta sighed, “I told Lady Thea that I want to stay and train, but she’s not spoken to me at all since then. I’m starting to wonder if this ship is really for me. Perhaps I should leave in San Ria, find a new life.”
“That would be a shame, Arietta,” Pandora said, twiddling a strand of her green hair around her finger, “I had hoped that you would stay. It may seem boring now, stuck out here on the high seas, but really, there’s much more to it. When you help somebody, it comes with a great feeling of satisfaction, of purpose. You may not see that now, but it will come. Becoming a White Knight takes work and dedication. As an apprentice, your work will be mundane for a while. You’ll have to take orders and you probably won’t see Lady Thea much. But that’s part of the initiation. We all have to work together, but you need to stand on your own two feet as well, take initiative on this ship and not just wait for your orders.”
“I suppose that’s right,” Arietta said, “I have just been wasting my time wistfully looking out at sea when I could be learning how to better handle a sword.”
“That’s the spirit,” Pandora said, smiling, “Why don’t you go and see Master Kane? He’s the weapons master here. He’s nice, just don’t ask him about his past life. He doesn’t take kindly to personal questions, but he’s the best fighter we have. Some say he’s even better than Lady Thea with a sword.”
“Thanks, Pandora,” Arietta said, feeling better. She really did like Pandora. Even though the girl supposedly had a tragic past, she always wore a smile, and never complained. Arietta supposed that she was grateful for the life on the ship, and realized that even though life at sea could be mundane, for many of them that simplicity was a sanctuary in itself after all they had been through.
She had heard many stories about the lives of the crew, and it had made her feel spoiled. Before the Moral Revolution had turned her country on its head, her life had been easy, her friends and parents accepting of her sexuality. It was only the last couple of years that she had even learned what prejudice could be like, whereas some of her shipmates had known it their whole lives.
Arietta made her way to the weapons room, where she saw Master Kane dueling with Selesti. Selesti was fast, but Master Kane was strong. He had long black hair tied up on top of his head, and a large scar across his face which marred an an otherwise calm and handsome face. He was in his late thirties, and age had given him a patience with which to teach. It was that patience he used now, easily parrying Selesti’s desperate but amateur blows.
“You need to fight less like an animal, Selesti,” Master Kane said, his voice calm and even, “You fight like you were raised by wolves.”
“Maybe I was,” she said, a little venom in her voice. Kane dismissed it and continued to be patient in his instruction, “Well, you need to remember that while wildness can be an asset, it can also hold you back. You will fight trained people in your adventures, people who know how to counter your attacks. Strength and speed are important, but skill is vital as well. I think that’s enough for today.”
Selesti led out a frustrated sigh, and threw her knives down. Arietta could see Selesti’s jumpsuit sticking to her, and the sweat on her brow. It accented her shapely, well-exercised body and Arietta felt a fog of desire filling her mind. She looked away as Selesti pushed past her and left.
Master Kane picked up the knives and calmly placed them on the rack as Arietta approached him, “She’s a demon, that one,” he sighed to Arietta, “I’m not sure I’ll ever train that wildness in her. There’s a fire, a desperation from some inner turmoil that makes every blow of hers carry some insanity. If she could learn to control that, she would make an excellent warrior. You are her friend, yes? So perhaps you would know. Perhaps you are the calm that could ease the storm in that one, although it is none of my business. Forgive me.”
Arietta nodded, “Master Kane, I have come to seek your instruction. I want to better learn how to wield a sword. When I was fighting in the escape... I realized I had never spent much time on training.”
“Ah, so the one who stares out at the world has decided to try and shape that world,” Kane said cryptically, even as he was selecting a sword for Arietta, “Try this,” he said, throwing a lightweight sword to Arietta. She went for it but missed, and it rattled uselessly on the floor as she blushed bright red and looked away.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Kane said, “I know you have some skill. Elisha tells me you fought well in the prison. You just need to have some confidence in yourself. If you believe the sword will harm you, you will not be able to catch it. You have to believe that you can catch the sword without injury. Now pick it up.”
Arietta went for the sword, but just as she grabbed it, she sensed Kane charging at her, weapon in hand. She held the sword up while she was still on her knees and parried his blow, although it knocked her back onto the floor, where she rolled over quickly and stood up.
“Impressive for a beginner,” Kane said, “You have good senses. That’s a must for any warrior who wants to survive more than five minutes.”
Arietta felt confidence growing inside her as she held the sword. Her senses were sharp, aware of everything going on around her. She had the power to change the world, starting here. If she could become a warrior, she could stand up for anybody who needed help. She could help the others find Sanctuary and build a new world. Perhaps then Selesti would finally be safe, and they could start again in a new world...
She knew with time she would forgive Selesti, but she was afraid that Selesti did not possess the power to forgive herself. She was afraid for Selesti, who had made a dark cloud around herself to reject others ever since she had been aboard the ship. Arietta wondered what had caused such a drastic change in a woman she thought she knew inside and out. She had not always been hostile, that was her fear speaking...
She did not see Kane’s next blow coming, and her sword was ripped from her hands by the force of the disarming strike.
“You are distracted,” Kane said, “Something tears you from your peace. Is it the heart that troubles you, or is it yourself?”
“Why would I be troubled by myself?” Arietta asked.
“Many wonder why a gentle woman such as yourself would love such a dark shadow as Selesti. Do you not question why you love somebody who was willing to throw away your life?” Kane said.
“She needs me,” Arietta said, “You don’t understand. She pretends to be strong, but Selesti is frightened of death on a level nobody can understand. She can’t control that fear. That’s why she sold me out, not because she doesn’t care. I want to fight for her, to protect her. Everybody has written Selesti off as a cause not worth fighting for, a person who cannot be redeemed but I continue to believe in her, even now. I won’t give up on her. I want to help her.”
“You want to help everybody, Arietta,” Kane said, “Elisha told me that you have a noble and generous spirit, a desire to save anybody and everybody in need. Just remember that not everybody can be saved.”
As they spoke, a White Knight rushed in, bowing to Master Kane, “I’m sorry to interrupt, Master Kane, but Lady Thea needs you on deck now. You too, Arietta. A strange ship has come in range. It appears to be drifting in open waters.”
“Let’s go, Arietta,” Master Kane said, and they hurried through the ship, Arietta’s heart lurching with excitement. A drifting ship? What could have happened?
As they arrived on deck, they saw it, a huge, hulking ship with holes in its hull, its sails torn. It looked abandoned. The most disturbing thing about it though was that it looked just like their ship. The white hull has been beaten and torn at, yet still the behemoth stayed afloat, like a carcass floating in the ocean. Arietta could see nobody on board.
“It must be a ghost ship,” Pandora said, “It’s an ill omen amongst my people to see a ship drifting like this.”
“Could it have been attacked?” Master Kane asked. People were hurrying to the side to take a look.
Lady Thea arrived on deck, “Captain on the bridge!” somebody called, and everybody turned and saluted her, but she took no heed. Her eyes were fixed on the battered white skeleton of a ship, and all the color drained from her face.
“No, it couldn’t be,” she said, and everybody looked at her with expectant eyes, their salutes falling away as they realized Thea had forgotten to tell them to be at ease in her haste. It unsettled Arietta, as Thea had always looked so calm and in control when she had seen her.
“Captain?” Elisha said, breaking the silence, “What are your orders?”
Elisha’s inquiry seemed to break Thea’s reverie, and she pulled herself together, “Bring us in close!” she called to the navigator, “We’re going to board it!” She turned to Elisha, “I want you, Pandora and the new girls in my boarding team. Let’s go and see what’s going on. Kane, you have command.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Elisha said, and she ushered Arietta and Selesti over, handing them swords.”
“I like to fight with knives,” Selesti protested.
“There’s no time, Selesti,” Elisha said, “Please follow your orders and come with us.”
“What’s the urgency?” Selesti said to Arietta, “It looks like its been abandoned for a long time. It’s probably deserted.”
“They look worried,” Arietta said, “I think they know more about this then they’re letting on.”
~
They came in close and boarded the ship, Lady Thea going first, followed by Elisha and Pandora, then Arietta and Selesti.
“Be careful,” Thea said, “The wood looks like it may be rotten. You don’t want to fall through.”
“It almost looks like this ship has been submerged,” Pandora observed.
“That’s impossible,” said Elisha, “Why would it have been re-floated? It’s completely deserted.”
“Some salvagers might have towed this ship and been forced to abandon it,” Arietta suggested.
“I doubt it,” Thea said, “They’d just take the loot on a ship this damaged. The ship is pretty much beyond repair. It’s not worth the effort.”
“Damn!” Selesti cursed, as her foot went through the wood. She pulled it back out, and spat at the hole in frustration.
“Are you hurt?” Arietta asked, leaning down to touch her ankle, but Selesti snatched herself away from Arietta’s touch brusquely and strode away to follow the others. They broke down the door leading into the ship and started to head below decks. As they walked through the ship, though, Pandora’s suggestion seemed to make more sense. Seaweed adorned the walls, and the floor was full of holes. The stench of rot filled their noses, and daylight broke in at many points, although Thea held a lantern aloft for extra illumination.
“Is this... her ship?” Elisha asked Thea, as they descended deeper into the gloom. Thea lit a torch on the wall with her lamp to make a landmark as she contemplated Elisha’s question.
“I’m not sure what to think,” Thea said, “If this is Maia’s ship, then it means... it means she failed.”
“There aren’t many ships of this design, Lady Thea,” Elisha said, “Who else’s ship could it be?”
“I don’t know,” Thea said, “Let’s keep searching. I want to look in the crew cabins. Let’s start with that door over there.” She warily edged towards the cabin and threw open the door, which let out a creak as it reluctantly moved on its rusty hinges. Drawing her sword, she moved into the cabin, the others following. Daylight streamed in from above, illuminating the rotted sheets and seaweed laden floor. An old chest lie open in one corner. Upon the bed lay a figure, and Thea moved closer to inspect the rotted corpse when it sat up abruptly. She shrieked and they backed up, Elisha drawing her sword and the others following. The corpse shambled towards them, taking a swipe with inhuman claws at Thea’s face. She stumbled backwards onto the floor, the gashes bleeding profusely. Elisha quickly sliced the zombie’s head off and it rolled across the floor, the body crumpling to the ground without it.
Pandora bent down beside Thea, and Arietta watched in awe as light shone from Pandora’s hands, closing Thea’s wounds. There were still slight cuts, but Thea looked relieved.
“Thank you,” she said gratefully.
“There is dark magic in this place,” Pandora said, “We should go back, Lady Thea.”
“No, we must continue,” Thea said, determination in her eyes, “We need to find the captain’s cabin and learn what’s happened here.”
“Lady Thea...” Elisha said, but Thea dismissed her with a wave of her hand, “Come on,” she said, accepting Elisha’s hand and getting back on her feet, “The sooner we find the captain’s cabin, the sooner we can return to the ship.”
As they made their way out into the hallway, they heard low moans in the shadows. Arietta felt sick with fear, and she grasped Selesti’s hand, which was slick with sweat and trembling slightly before she snatched it away. Arietta gripped her sword tightly and promised herself she would defend Selesti and the others, even if Selesti didn’t want her protection.
Zombies shambled out of the shadows from all sides, and they found themselves thrust into battle. Arietta let her determination take over, and she felt herself moving automatically, her sword cutting through flesh and bone. The smell was unbearable, and she suppressed the urge to vomit.
Selesti was fighting like her usual self, slicing through zombies like a wild animal, even with the unwieldy sword. Pandora’s hands glowed many different colors as she let fire and ice spells fly through the air. Elisha tried to protect Thea, who was taking on three or four zombies at one time.
“There’s too many!” Elisha cried, “We have to make a break for it. If this ship’s layout is the same as ours, then the captain’s quarters should be close... but there’s no guarantee that we’ll find what we’re looking for there.”
“I know,” Lady Thea said, “but I have to know. Elisha, take the others back to the ship. They don’t have to die for this.”
“I’m not leaving you!” Elisha said, “Not even if you order me to. If we leave you alone, you’ll never make it off the ship alive!”
“I won’t leave you either,” Arietta said, “You saved my life in the prison, whether you intended to or not. It would be a poor way to repay you if we abandoned you now.” Selesti grunted in the background, although Arietta wasn’t sure it it was agreement or disapproval.
“Thank you,” Lady Thea said, “Make for the door over there, then. Hurry!”
They backed off, putting distance between them and the zombified crew. They broke into a run for the door, and pulled it open, hurrying inside. They slammed the door and quickly barricaded it with chairs and a large bookcase. They took a moment to breathe and gather themselves, but Lady Thea was already searching through the large desk in the middle of the room, with a strange look of desperation and despair on her face.
Elisha went to her side, “Lady Thea,” she said, “please, stop...”
It was as Arietta looked away from this scene with a desire to protect Lady Thea’s privacy that she saw the corpse; that of a woman, with long, white hair. Most of the body had wasted away, and the bare neck-bone held a pendant that caught the light.
“Lady Thea!” Arietta said, “There’s a corpse over here... of a lady...” Somehow, she knew that this was Maia, that this was the woman Lady Thea had been looking for when she had boarded this ship. There was something regal about her even in death that led Arietta to this conclusion - there was something about her that reminded her of Thea.
Lady Thea dropped the papers she was holding and rushed over, all else forgotten. She gasped as she saw the corpse and fell to her knees beside the woman’s body, clutching the lifeless form in her arms and breaking into deep sobs of anguish.
“Lady Thea...” Elisha eyes were full of tears as she looked down at Thea, “I’m so sorry...”
“What’s going on?” Selesti asked, “We need to get out of here! I doubt those zombies are just going to forget about us.” As if summoned, the zombies began pounding on the door, but Selesti pushed some heavy furniture in front of the door and they seemed to give up.
“She was my wife,” Thea said, but her voice was broken, far away, “I loved her with all my heart. Sanctuary was her dream, a prophecy she received which said that there was a promised land for all who had known hatred against them. She was the one who built the white ship, who founded the White Knights...”
“What happened to her?” Arietta asked.
“We... had a disagreement about what Sanctuary was, what it should be. It drove our marriage apart. I’ll never forget the day she left the White Ship, saying that she was going to build the true White Ship and find Sanctuary without me, that I and the White Knights left behind were all just pretenders. I never saw her again.... until now.” Thea said, wiping the tears from her eyes. I just wanted to tell her one more time that I loved her. Now it’s too late.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Lady Thea,” Elisha said, “We still have a mission to carry out. It’s more important than ever that we find Sanctuary now, to build a safe haven knowing that Maia failed.”
“I always dreamt I would meet her there,” Thea said, standing up, “That I would arrive to find a white tower as tall as the sky, Maia standing at the dock with open arms, and all our people living together in peace. That I could go to her and tell her that I was wrong...”
“Lady Thea, we can’t go back now,” Elisha said, “Let’s at least try to find some record of what happened here, so we can avoid the same fate.”
Lady Thea nodded and took the pendant from Maia’s body. Putting it over her own head, she stood, grim determination on her face. She returned to the desk drawers and continued searching, biting back her tears.
As she rifled through the drawers, she heard an audible click, and a previously hidden drawer opened below the others. There was a leather-bound journal inside, and Thea opened it, skipping to the last entry. She scanned the page quickly, suddenly all too aware of the ship lurching and the pained groans of the zombies occasionally trying the door.
“It seems that they dabbled in dark magic, in a desperate attempt to scry the location of Sanctuary. It sounds like Maia had lost hope of ever finding it,” Thea said sadly, “It says here that they met a wizard who called himself Illuminus who said he could help them find Sanctuary, but that his dark magic sapped their lifeforce. Maia said that she could feel her life draining away, but that she didn’t care any more - she just wanted to find Sanctuary. She died here alone, long after Illuminus’s departure, using the last of her strength to try and see the location of Sanctuary so that she could record it here for me to find...” Thea rested her weight against the table, a new sorrow filling her soul.
“Illuminus...” Pandora’s face was pale, “He is a famous wizard, a dark magic user who uses the lifeforce of others to prolong his own life. He’s part of the reason why my people fear magic and consider it unnatural. I thought he was just a legend, though... I’m frightened to think that such a monster is still alive, tempting the weak with false promises.”
“We have to make sure we never fall into that trap,” Elisha said, “No matter how desperate we become. We have to believe in Sanctuary.”
“We will find it, I swear,” Thea said, “I’ll find it for you, Maia. Wait for me there.”
“Lady Thea?” Elisha said.
“I’m all right,” Thea said, composing herself, “We need to get out of here. I want orders for this ship to be scuttled to be given as soon as we return.” She made for the door.
“Won’t you take Maia’s body with you?” Elisha said, “To give her a proper burial?”
“If the White Knights see her, they will lose hope,” Thea said, “Nobody must ever know what happened here today. You must all promise me that you will never speak of it to the crew. Anybody who defies that order will be left at the next port.”
They all nodded, “Let’s get out of here,” they agreed, following Thea. They moved the barricade away from the door and opened it, slaying the few zombies that hadn’t given up the desperate attempt to break through the door. Thea took a look back as she left and closed the door with a final click.
~
When they reached the ship, Thea called off the search party that was being organized for them. She watched as the ship was scuttled and few noticed the sad look on her face as she witnessed her wife’s ship disappear beneath the water to its - and her - final resting place.
Night came, and as the ship continued to San Ria and the crew slept, Thea stood on the deck, looking out across the moonlit ocean.
“Lady Thea,” came Elisha’s voice from behind her, “You can’t sleep?”
“I tried to throw this ring away,” Thea said, “The wedding ring she handed back to me on the day she left. But I just can’t bring myself to let it go.”
Elisha saw the tears on Thea’s face in the moonlight as she walked up to her. She took Thea’s hands in hers and closed them around the ring.
“You don’t need to throw it away,” Elisha said, “You will always love her, she was your wife. Nobody would expect you to feel differently. Keep those things - the ring, the pendant and the journal as proof that you loved her. You don’t have to erase the past to move forward to the future. You just have to learn to live with it.”
“I failed her,” Thea said, “I wish I’d had the chance to tell her that I’ve grown up since then, that I’ve thrown away the childish ignorance that made me become as intolerant as the people we were running from. I hated ordinary people so much that I let it rule me, and I didn’t wake up until long after I’d lost her.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Elisha said, “All your life, you were treated like dirt by everybody else. Then when you married, you were exiled from every land you had ever called home, your marriage called an act against nature. You were arrested so many times for entering into a ‘false’ marriage. Was it any surprise that you began to feel resentment and hatred? The reason so many of us stayed with you is because we understood that hatred and often felt it ourselves.”
“Maia didn’t hate,” Thea said, “She was so much stronger than me, always so noble and pure.”
“Didn’t she?” Elisha said, “Perhaps she just learned to control it better. I think that all of us are vulnerable to hatred if we let it rule us. We have to remember that Sanctuary’s no utopia if people are excluded from it. When we find it, we have to remember that. I always envisioned Sanctuary as a haven for us specifically, but when I met Arietta it was the first thing she questioned... She said she would miss living with ordinary people. It really made me think about what Sanctuary should be like.”
“She said that?” Thea asked, “I think she has a little of Maia’s spirit in her, that one. I want to make her a White Knight. I think we all may have a lot to learn from her.”
~
Arietta lie sleepless in her bed, tossing and turning, thinking about the day’s events and her mixed feelings about everything that had happened. She had seen Lady Thea as being almost invincible, and it had shocked her to find out she was only human after all. She found she liked Thea better for it, to know that she loved and lost like they all had.
She found herself wanting to talk to Selesti, and slipped on a robe. Stepping out into the ship’s hallways, she made her way to Selesti’s cabin, where she saw lamplight under the door. Perhaps Selesti couldn’t sleep either, Arietta realized, and opened the door quietly.
It took her a few moments to really understand what she saw and process what it meant, but she stood there in horror, watching Selesti crying out in ecstasy as one of the ship’s girls pleasured her. The girl thrust her fingers hard into Selesti, making her scream. Selesti was smiling as the girl squeezed one of her breasts. It was sex in its rawest form; not loving or tender or sensual but purely for pleasure.
Selesti looked up to see Arietta standing there in horror, and looked her right in the eye without stopping, as through she wanted to deliver a mortal wound to Arietta’s heart. Arietta fled, tears in her eyes. She ran until she reached her cabin and locked the door, diving down onto her bed and crying until the tears could come no more.
They were not together, she supposed; and hadn’t really been since Selesti’s betrayal, but still she had assumed that Selesti would wait for her to process what had happened when she said she needed time, especially since Selesti had been the one to deliver the hurt.
Whenever she closed her eyes she saw Selesti’s eyes boring into hers, that cold, wicked, uncaring stare that she had seen in that room for the first time.
It broke something inside her, something precious that she knew could never be repaired. She felt it slip through her fingers, but could do nothing to prevent its loss. Innocence and naivety were left by the wayside as she struggled to process Selesti’s cruelty and the way it changed her perception of the human race. She had hoped that Selesti had acted out of fear in Garania, but then, what was this? Was Selesti intentionally trying to drive her away? She suspected that time would not heal this; that they were done.
Arietta stared up at the ceiling, trying not to think about the happy memories they had shared. It was just too much to bear. It was easier just to accept that the Selesti she had loved was dead, another victim of the Moral Revolution. It would be easier if the shell she had left behind left the ship in San Ria, so she could mourn and get on with her life.
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