Frozen inside
Without your touch
Without your love
Darling, only you are the life among the dead...
From the song Bring Me To Life (the Fallen album), by Evanescence
It was only a month later that Solomon and I began receiving disturbing reports about deaths among the homeless and criminal elements in Fuka. To the rest of the world, there was nothing unusual about the incidents - high mortality rates were a normal feature of life on the margins of society and it was pointless to investigate their causes further. But these were incidents that Solomon had anticipated from the beginning, and not a single suspicious corpse was buried in that city without him examining the body firsthand.
"It was definitely a Chiropteran," he told me grimly, after one of his teams had autopsied the body of a prostitute. "The Searrs are testing their creations on the city's unwanted elements. I'm not sure what they're trying to find out, but we have to stop them."
I took a sip of my tea before replying. "You know as well as I do that only a Chiropteran can quickly and efficiently dispatch another Chiropteran."
He sighed heavily. "I know. What consoles me is the fact that the team will be in your hands while I'm out."
I shook my head. "You misinterpreted me, Solomon. You're the only one who has the knowledge necessary to win this war, and we can't risk losing you. What I meant was I'll go and deal with the Chiropterans."
He looked at me for a long moment, his handsome face betraying his uncertainty.
I chided him gently. "You know that I'm perfectly capable of dealing with them, Solomon."
He shook his head. "It's not your survival I'm worried about, Shizuru..." He hesitated, then gave me a strained smile. "But don't let me bother you with needless anxieties. If you're sure that this is what you want to do, you have my full support."
I nodded my thanks. "In that case, let's start by determining how to best conceal my identity. The more confused we leave the Searrs, the better."
~~~~~
And so it was that what began as a quest for redemption led me further down the path of damnation. Night after night I prowled the streets of Fuka, a cloaked figure of death and destruction. I dispatched the Chiroptera I encountered with brutal and ruthless efficiency. And the more I killed, the more the Searrs sent, so that on certain nights I would battle as many as a dozen all at the same time. And the part of me that had reveled in the devastation of the First District all those years ago - that part of me that the Obsidian Lord had found and exploited so easily - rose to the surface and gloried in the blood and gore.
Sometimes, the bloodlust was such that I would literally lose myself, and wake up only moments later to the disintegrating remains of several Chiropterans. It was on one such night, stumbling back home, dizzy from the lack of blood, that Solomon finally confronted me.
"You're pushing yourself too much, Shizuru."
He regarded me with concern and disapproval.
"Don't worry about me, Solomon. I'll be fine after a transfusion."
He shook his head. "It's not your survival I'm worried about, Shizuru. It never has been. But the more frequently you fight, and the longer each battle lasts, the more the blood chips away at your humanity. Even Saya nearly succumbed to it. Don't give in to the blood, Shizuru."
I looked away. I didn't need to explain to him, of all people, that the blood was the only refuge I had left; that abandoning my humanity was the easiest shelter from the pain: the pain of missing her every single day, which had not abated at all in the long long months.
Still, I knew he was right. As a vampire, I did live a cursed existence. With the blood, the pain receded just a bit. But with the blood also came the darkness - a darkness which I naturally possessed, which had been unleashed during the Carnival, and which I suspected would be infinitely more destructive in my current state if I let it go uncontrolled.
"Don't worry, Solomon." I told him yet again. "You know I would never let things go that far. Not ever again."
As I walked away from him, he called after me. "How can you be so sure, Shizuru? Always, always, you push your limits. Whether it's a limit to the pain you can endure, or a limit to the control you can exercise. We don't always know our limits, Shizuru. So don't go pushing yours all the time."
I closed my eyes. That was the problem with Solomon. He was always right.