Last time, on Ranma 1/2:
Ninomiya-sensei may be the end of the School of Anything Goes!
*Pul-eeze. Like that’ll actually happen.*
Shampoo and Ukyo are starting to make their moves on Kasumi!
*Hm, does Shampoo lose because she’s an Amazon or Ukyo because Shampoo came first?*
And Kodachi’s fallen victim to her own gas- and is cuddling with Ranma!
*My brain just exploded from the sheer non-canon-ness*
Stay tuned, for this latest episode.
*Okay, Kodachi and Ranma? Akane and NINOMIYA?!?*
It only gets weirder from here.
----------------------------
Episode 7: The Fiancés Have Fiancés!
----------------------------
“Ugh...” Ranma looked beat as he walked to school with Kasumi, Akane, and Ukyo. “That session with Happosai must’ve taken more outta me than I thought."
“Maybe you should see Dr. Tofu again,” Kasumi suggested.
“Eh... Tofu’s okay and all, but I’ll be fine.” Ranma rubbed his aching backside for what seemed to be the fourth time. His tired gaze rested on the mailbox just behind them. “Is it just me, or did we pass that mailbox already?”
Akane gazed at the mailbox as well. “I think so...”
Ukyo looked as well for a moment before grunting and beginning to walk away. “Just ignore it. Please just ignore it, and maybe it’ll go away.”
Kasumi seemed confused as she began to walk with her old friend. “You’re talking about the mailbox as if it’s a person.” Ukyo laughed darkly at that as the front of the school came within eyesight.
Once they arrived at school, Akane noticed that there were significantly less men there than had once been; but they’d mostly been replaced by women. In fact, only a dozen or so men came after Akane- a mere fraction of what she was used to. Needless to say, she showed this mottled collection of men the sole of her shoes.
Akane and Ranma walked through an opening in the crowd and into the school. But said opening closed itself up when Kasumi and Ukyo approached. “Not this again,” Kasumi groaned. Ukyo and Kasumi prepared to defend themselves. “I was really hoping this wouldn’t happen.”
Ukyo looked at the approaching mob, and then looked back at her innazuke. “Sometimes, you just gotta fight.”
“HAPPO FIVE-YEN SATSU!”
In ten seconds, the entire crowd was sucked dry, courtesy of a peeved Ninomiya-sensei. “Such delinquents.” She stared at everyone, yelling, “Go to class already! You’re all going to be late!”
----
The school day seemed to speed by; the only notable event that happened all day was a short-lived food fight. People seemed fairly cautious to break the rules around the new ‘disciplinarian’ thus far.
“...in conclusion, the fourth wall is something that should not be broken unless it’s for comedic effect. I’m looking at you, readers.”
Ninomiya-sensei dismissed her class for the day, watching them all walk out the door. “Akane,” she said, “Can you stay behind for a moment?”
Akane took a seat in front of the teacher’s desk. “Is something wrong, sensei?”
“We never got around to our little talk yesterday about your apparent engagement.”
“Anything Kuno says is a lie,” Akane immediately claimed.
“I’m aware,” Ninomiya replied. “I’m referring to Ranma and your sister. I just wanted you to know that if there was anything that I could help you with...”
Akane stopped paying attention at some point during her speech. “Akane! Are you listening to me or are you staring at my breasts?” The student gasped in surprise for a moment before Ninomiya-sensei told her to calm down. “It’s alright. It’s flattering. You look very attractive yourself.” It was at that point that Akane stumbling over her words, trying to form coherent sentences.
“I- What- Up- You-” Ninomiya-sensei chuckled at her student’s embarrassment.
A few minutes later, Akane and Ninomya-sensei left the classroom. “Well, I think that worked out fairly well. Remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, Akane, you know where to find me.” As Akane walked away, Ninomiya couldn’t help but stare. “Now if only I weren’t her teacher...”
She began to stare at the yen coin she used to suck out people’s battle auras. It was true that the technique that old man had taught her had greatly improved her health, but the side-effects were far-reaching for her mind and her body- and it played hell with her hormones. Ninomiya-sensei’s ruminations about her abilities distracted her long enough to give Ranma ample opportunity to strike.
Ranma silently prayed that whatever gods or goddesses were watching would not allow Akane to waltz in on this scene. From the untrained eye, it appeared that he was groping his teacher. But a martial artist could see that he was actually hitting Ninomiya-sensei’s pressure points.
The sudden attack left Ninomiya-sensei completely surprised. “What the-” But it was already too late for knee-jerk reactions- Ninomiya-sensei was already beginning to change. She was beginning to shrink; her breasts were going down sizes, until she appeared to be no more than a kid.
“No freaking way!” Ranma was stunned. “Our new teacher is a freaking kid! And she’s THIS kid?!?”
“I’m supposed to be that old,” Hinako exclaimed. “But this guy freaking tricked me!” She looked at Happosai with an icy cold glare. “He taught me that technique just so he could escape a bunch of angry adults!”
“You said you were sick,” Happosai retorted. “I just gave you the cure for what ailed you.”
The girl was furious, now. “Yeah, and you also made it so I’m stuck as a kid!”
Ranma interrupted. “Hey, old man! I hate to interrupt such a wonderful reunion, but do I really have to hit the pressure point like THAT? It makes me look like as much of a perv as you!”
“And who do you think invented the technique,” Happosai grinned.
While both of the martial artists were distracted, Hinako pulled out her special yen coin and took aim at Happosai. “HAPPO FIVE-YEN SATSU!”
Happosai was too busy laughing himself silly that he didn’t notice the beam in time. In an instant he was sucked dry of his battle aura, allowing Hinako to change back into her adult form. Then Hinako turned to Ranma, pointed her coin and shouted, “HAPPO NO-YEN COIN RETURN!” All of the chi that Hinako had drained from Happosai fired out of her hands in the shape of a giant sphere, and hit Ranma in the face. Ranma flew backwards from the impact and made a hole in the wall.
Using that attack forced Ninomiya back into her child-state. “Oh, now I’m gonna be late to hang out with Akane!”
Happosai pushed himself off the floor as Hinako ran down the hall. He looked at the hole in the wall where Ranma had flown through. “We’re going to have to have a LOT more training, boy.”
Ranma groaned as he tried to extricate himself from the wall. He succeeded, only to fall face-first into the floor. ‘I hope there’s some good food for dinner.’
----
Kasumi checked the boiling water for the rice, trying to make a good dinner for the family. Ukyo was giving her a helping hand; trying to help Kasumi in the kitchen. Even Shampoo was making something nice. The three women were working almost in tandem.
“It’s a bit scary,” Nabiki told her younger sister. “They’re like a home version of Iron Chef or something...” Nabiki then walked away as she tried to think of a way to exploit this surprising culinary cooperation.
‘Maybe,’ Akane thought as she stared at the trio. ‘Those three work pretty well together when Shampoo and Ukyo aren’t arguing over my sister.’
Even the two fiancés seemed to notice this fact; they almost seemed to read each other’s minds as well as Kasumi’s as all three of them maneuvered around each other in their quest to create a delicious dinner.
Once dinner was served though, it was back to business as usual. “I think K-chan,” Ukyo said as she pulled Kasumi towards her, “would like to sit next to me.”
“Is you stupid? Airen much more want to sit with Xian Pu,” Shampoo exclaimed as she pulled Kasumi back.
“Can’t I just sit between you two?” Kasumi appeared desperate to end the fighting, at least for now. Her plead for peace was accepted for the moment; her innazuke allowed that arrangement for the sake of pleasing Kasumi.
But this cease-fire seemed to deteriorate as dinner commenced. A little war seemed to erupt as both Shampoo and Ukyo tried to feed Kasumi morsels of rice. “K-chan, no fair! You’re letting that bimbo feed you more than I am!”
“Spatula Girl is lying! Airen’s last five bites all been from outsider!”
Meanwhile, Ranma and Genma had both picked Kasumi’s plate clean, taking advantage of Kasumi’s distractions. “Ranma, let go of the chicken!”
“Not on your life pops!” The wittiest comeback Genma could come up with was throwing Ranma through the wall and into the pond, causing his curse to kick in. “Why you stupid good-for-nothing oaf!”
Nabiki noted that she’d have to hire the carpenters again as Ranma began wrestling her father to the floor. Kasumi tried separating them at first, but Shampoo and Ukyo held her back. “K-chan, they can settle their own differences.”
“But Ucchan,” Kasumi struggled to say as Shampoo fed her some more rice, “Ranma’s one of my best friends! They don’t need to be fighting that much!” She looked at the hole in the wall before noticing sometime. “Father, since when was there a soda machine next to the pond?”
Soun looked away from the fracas at the oddly placed beverage dispenser. “There isn’t one. Why do you ask?”
“Because there’s one there now.” Everyone stopped what they were doing to gaze at the vending machine.
Ukyo’s chopsticks snapped in half as she shouted, “For the love of the kami, Tsubasa! Enough is enough!”
One loud poofing noise (yes... it was ‘POOF’) later, what appeared to be a prissy teenage girl in a dress appeared in place of the machine! “Hey Ukyo! You have no idea how long I’ve been looking for you!”
“Um... Ucchan? Who is that,” Kasumi asked.
“My name is Tsubasa, and Ukyo’s my fiancé!” Shampoo appeared to be celebrating by saying sweet Chinese nothings into Kasumi’s ear, while Kasumi appeared shell-shocked and Ukyo ran over to the newcomer and started to throttle said newcomer.
“I- CAN’T- BELIEVE THIS!” She said as she threw Tsubasa over the dinner table, in front of Ranma and Genma. The father and sometimes-daughter finally stood up, removing their hands from each other’s throats. “You were supposed to have moved away!”
“I did!” Tsubasa seemed furious. “I’m visiting just to see you again!”
“Well, I’m not interested. I’ve have a real fiancé, Tsubasa! Not some crazed obsession- STOP GIVING HER A HICKEY!” Kasumi’s eyes remained bulged as Shampoo moved away from her Airen’s neck, a sly grin on her face.
“Airen... you want more?” Kasumi was unresponsive, as a drop of blood escaped from her nostrils. “Oh, Airen need get used to this. Xian Pu no want Airen to bleed to death when having sexy-time!”
“Oh my.”
Tsubasa was furious at Kasumi, ready to tear her limb from limb for stealing the ‘perfect gal’. “K-chan, if you’re gonna let that gaijin do that, then let me show you how to really enjoy it.” And Kasumi actually yelped in surprise as Ukyo walked over and gave her a second hickey.
It was then that the newcomer began to understand what Ukyo felt. “Oh. Oh...” Tsubasa began to walk away, but stopped to say, “Ukyo, I’ll never stop loving you. And ‘K-chan’? I’ll be back to kick your ass later.”
“Wow,” Ranma said. “You know, for a crazy girl she was kind of cute, unlike SOMEONE I know,” she said before being punched in the face by Akane.
Ukyo stared at Ranma before deadpanning, “You realize that Tsubasa is a guy, right?”
Everyone stared at Ukyo. “Ukyo,” Nabiki stated, “she was in a dress!”
“He likes playing dress-up,” the okonomiyaki chef stated nonchalantly.
A look of shock and disgust came over Ranma as he took in what he was hearing. “I can’t believe I just called a guy cute! Oh my God, I can’t believe I just had a Bridget dropped on me!”
Indeed, it must be noted that Ranma was a heterosexual man and could be considered a lesbian. So she would never call a guy cute unless she was manipulating him or she was in a horribly, horribly OOC lemon.
It also must be noted that someone was at the door. “I’ll get it,” Kasumi said with Shampoo following.
“Well, this is interesting,” a strangely familiar voice (at least, to Ranma) commented. “Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think having giant holes in your house is what I’d call a good idea.” A number of black rose pedals blew into the house, accompanied by a laugh and a familiar figure with a long black pony-tail.
Nabiki was only slightly surprised; she’d recognized the dramatic entrance Kodachi seemed to favor, but the laugh?!? The laugh was much different, pleasant and full of life instead of the shrill insanity that once escaped her lips. “I have to admit, things feel a bit... different, Nabiki.”
“What can I say,” Nabiki admitted, “Dr. Mizuno knows her stuff. And I did owe your family a favor.” She added as an aside, “Note to self: Never owe the Kunos a favor again.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Kodachi,” Akane inquired, “trying to spy on me?”
“Well, yes and no. I also wanted to see someone and I wasn’t entirely sure how to go about doing that. Hi there,” Kodachi said, saying hello to Ranma.
Ranma’s tongue twisted as he tried to wrap his head around a girl being kind to him who was not Kasumi and not trying to exploit or kill him. Akane stared at Ranma, sighed, and threw the contents of her tea cup on her.
As the curse activated, Kodachi’s eye twitched. “Nabiki, I think I might have to go back to the doctor.”
“No, Kodachi, that actually just happened.”
“Ah.” Kodachi checked Ranma out, nodded her head, and said to herself, “My God, I’ve hit the jackpot.”
Ranma couldn’t believe what was going on, especially when Kasumi came flying through the wall, past the dinner table, and into the next wall. Following her was a bespectacled man with long hair. He had a surprising amount of muscle underneath his robes.
“Stupid duck-boy? What you think you doing?”
The man turned to face Shampoo. -”Ensuring my victory.”-
Shampoo ran to Kasumi’s side as she got back up. ”Xian Pu really sorry. That old acquaintance, Mu Tzu- he been in love with Xian Pu long time.” She looked at Mousse before commenting, “Xian Pu no remember Mu Tzu being muscular. Xian Pu remember he being skinny as stick.”
Mousse stared coldly at Kasumi. -“You stole something very precious from me. I’ll kill you for that.”-
Kasumi got up off the floor, assuming a defensive position. -”There no way we can no fight? Just talk?”-
It can’t be determined which made Mousse angrier: the broken Chinese or the fact that Kasumi had tried to make peace. Regardless, he still threw Kasumi into the kitchen. She landed in the sink, breaking the faucet... you know what? I think you know where this is going.
Everyone found themselves doused in cold water, causing Ranma to turn into a woman, Genma into a panda and Mousse...
Kodachi looked more surprised than she did earlier, if that’s possible. “Did that guy just turn into a duck?!?”
Ranma looked at Kodachi, opened her mouth, closed it, then replied, “Yes. Yes he did.”
Soun stared the duck. “That’s the most meat I’ve ever seen on a bird.” Genma lunged at Mousse with a knife and fork in hand, but was kicked away by one of the duck’s webbed feet. The duck then flung chains from its wings (much to the amazement of the people watching- where he was hiding those things was a mystery) forcing the shackles around one of Kasumi’s legs. She yelled in pain as she was dragged outside by the Chinese fowl.
Shampoo and Ukyo gave chase, and found Mousse swinging the chain in a circle with his bill, which was causing Kasumi to be flung around on the other end. It looked like a weird version of Mario fighting Bowser. Kasumi started being twirled faster and faster and faster until a normal person would’ve blacked out. Ukyo tried stepping forward to stop Mousse, only to be hit by her innazuke and began to be flung around herself.
Mousse finally became dizzy after a while, releasing the chain in a random direction. Kasumi and Ukyo went flying into the distance, with Shampoo beginning to scream at the duck. -”I can’t believe you, Mu Tzu! How could you!”- The duck waddled up to Shampoo and hugged her with his wings. Shampoo became even more furious and pushed him away. -”Wait until Kho Lon hears about this!”-
Inside, Nabiki looked at the damage that fight had caused. ‘Yep. Definitely gonna have to blackmail a few more people to pay for this.’
-----
It was cold. It was really freaking cold. And it was snowing.
That was all Kasumi could think about as she woke up. She was surrounded by snow, and she had to struggle to free herself. Kasumi looked around, trying to figure out for a brief moment just where she was. She couldn’t figure it out immediately- her mind was still waking up. The land below her was slanted- she appeared to be near the summit of a mountain. In fact, she appeared to have landed at the mountain’s peak.
Kasumi heard a rustling under the snow. She made her way over and noticed that Ukyo was buried beneath the snowfall. Quickly, the elder student of the Saotome School of Anything Goes retrieved Ukyo’s body. She was alive, but having difficulty breathing. Kasumi’s survival instincts began to finally kick in as she realized that Ukyo was in much worse shape than she. The only reason Kasumi could come up with for why Ukyo was having difficulty breathing was her bindings.
What little warmth Kasumi had in her body went to her cheeks. She’d have to set aside her inhibitions for now; this was a matter of life and death. She took off Ukyo’s shirt, and ripped off the bindings. Kasumi couldn’t help but stare- she knew why Ucchan dressed like a guy, but thought for a moment how beautiful she would look in a girl’s uniform, or in anything remotely feminine.
‘NO!’ Kasumi gave herself a mental slap in the face as she quickly put Ukyo’s shirt back on and began carrying her over her shoulder. ‘Must... find shelter.’
It took the better part of half an hour before Kasumi’s prayers were answered. She finally found a large hut with a chimney. The door was unlocked, oddly enough, allowing Kasumi to barge in. She managed to get a fire started, stripped her friend of her wet clothes, and quickly put her old friend in a sleeping bag next to the fire.
Ukyo shivered slightly as the fire began to pick up. Kasumi tried to check and see if there were was any food in the panty- surprisingly, there was a plethora of canned goods there. In fact, upon further inspection, Kasumi couldn’t figure out when anyone had been here last.
Kasumi’s body started to fail her as her movement became more sluggish from the lack of heat. She looked at the sleeping bag Ucchan was resting in. Using whatever energy she had left, Kasumi took off her clothes and entered the sleeping bag. As she began to lose consciousness from fatigue, Kasumi began to hope Ucchan wouldn’t get too many ideas when she woke up.
----
Ranma sat in class the next day trying to make sense of what had happened. After Kasumi and Ucchan had been flung out to who knows where, Ranma began trying to beat the tar out of that ‘Mousse’ guy. Shampoo finally got ahold of that old hag she called Cologne a little while later, who promptly dragged Mousse away before he and Ranma could continue fighting anymore than they already had.
It had felt very strange not being accompanied by his oldest friend to school. Kasumi had been by his side for as long as he could remember; walking to school with Akane and Akane alone was more unnerving than the fight that had broken out last night.
In the back of his mind, he couldn’t believe that he’d been almost matched in ability. Yes, he hadn’t been going all-out, but the fact that Mousse was as skilled as he was meant that Ranma was really gonna need that training from his old man’s sensei.
He looked at Hinako as he left the room, who was still in her adult form. Happosai had taught him not to emit a battle aura while around her- that was what she feed off of. At least that stupid old man was getting him out of school with that forged doctor’s note.
Right as he walked outside the school, he was doused with a bucket of water. He glared at the person holding the bucket, only to find that it was Happosai. “Ah... such precious jubblies.”
“You pervert! I oughta-” Ranma stopped a moment, silently chastising herself for sounding so much like Akane. “Whatever. As long as you don’t latch on ‘em again. Are we gonna train or what?”
Happosai grinned wickedly. “You’re going to accompany me on a panty raid. That may sound like an excuse to help me grab some precious undies, but it will help you build up stamina and agility... and it’ll give you some degree of familiarity with your female half.”
“What if I don’t wanna be familiar with bein’ a girl? I’m a guy, dammit!” Ranma was furious at the mere concept. He was a man among men, damn it!
“And what should happen if you’re doused with water during a close fight? It could make the difference between life and death, and that will not do for one of my student’s students.” He grinned, adding, “Once I have enough panties, we’ll retire for the day and plan out how to hit that chi vampire’s pressure points...”
-----
It had been a week. A whole week since Ukyo had woken up in a sleeping bag. Ukyo laughed quietly to herself; it had been a very nice surprise to see K-chan naked. And an even nicer surprise to be able to spend so much time with her without Shampoo.
She paused when she thought about that girl. Shampoo had been a bit possessive of K-chan, but really, K-chan was a great person. Ukyo couldn’t hate Shampoo for wanting K-chan; Shampoo really did seem like a half-decent person. But if Shampoo wanted her K-chan, then it was up to Ukyo to help K-chan see that she was worth her time.
And it was working- K-chan had been looking at her when she though she wasn’t looking. “Ucchan?” Ukyo stopped looking at the ceiling. Kasumi had dressed up in a spare turtleneck and pants that had been lying unused in a dresser. “Why do you have to always dress up like a boy?”
Ukyo stared at the fireplace. “I thought we went over this already- I was crushed when you guys chose the okonomiyaki cart over me.”
“But why hide what you are?” Kasumi looked at the fire as well. “You look... nice when you aren’t wearing those bindings.”
She stopped looking at the fire and walked a little bit towards Kasumi, who’d been sitting on the sleeping bag. “Nice? Is that all?” She smiled at her childhood friend. “There anything else you wanna add to that, K-chan?”
Much to her delight, Kasumi was actually checking her out. “Uh... I, uh... you just look really pretty when you... you dress like a girl.”
That was a bit of a surprise to Ukyo. All she had to do was actually wear a skirt and not bind herself? It would be a bit of a challenge, but if it meant that Kasumi would actually see her as a woman...
Their moment was interrupted by a knock at the door. Kasumi was knocked to the floor after opening the door by Shampoo. “Airen! So so good to find you!”
Cologne followed her in. “It took us a while, but here we are. Didn’t expect to find you on Mount Fuji.”
Ukyo groaned as she realized that her time alone with Kasumi was over. Now she’d have to fight for her attention again. And considering how badly Kasumi was blushing from Shampoo’s attention, that was going to be a daunting task.
-----
My God, whose bright idea was it to wait six months before releasing a new episode?
*stares at author*
Anyway, next time, on Ranma 1/2- Kasumi trains with Cologne! But that’s child’s play compared to the attention she’s getting from Shampoo and Ukyo!
*I’m betting some of the more perverted guys out there are rooting for a threesome. Idiots- like that’ll happen.*
Meanwhile, Ranma trains with Happosai! Will he be able to stop Hinako?
*Akane will be pissed either way.*
And what about Kodachi and Hinako? How will they react to what’s been happening?
*I’m betting romance, romance, and more romance. Just a guess.*
All that and more, in the next episode of Ranma 1/2!
*Here’s hoping for something awesome.*
Deviant Hearts Archive | Back to main index