Disclaimer: No matter how I try, I still don't own Sailormoon. Well, okay, I do 'own' some DVDs and a couple of VHS tapes, but not the rights to the characters. That would be the domain of Naoko Takeuchi and the Toei-tachi. Selfish (deleted pluralized expletive).
Ikimashou!
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Love is Blue - by MadPanda
Chapter 4 - Photograph
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A half-hearted "Tadaima!" signaled Ami's return to her apartment.. She knew her mother wouldn't be home to reply to her, but it was done just the same. She went straight to the whiteboard in the kitchen, which served as the Mizuno communications center. As expected, yet another note:
"I will be at a medical conference in Hokkaido tonight. Will be back in two days. Miss you...Mom."
"I miss you too." Ami's voice was sad but resigned. This happened much too often for her taste, especially since her parents' divorce. "It can't be helped, I guess." Once again, Ami rationalized her mother's absences as a necessary sacrifice for her success. Her mother worked hard to support them both, and as much as Ami wanted to spend more time with her, Ami knew she couldn't ask for it. If anything, it made the time they did spend together more precious, but still...
After putting her things away, Ami made herself a cup of tea and took it into the den. She sat, took a sip, and then placed the cup on the desk, and leaned back in her chair. Her mind was a whirl, and she needed something to focus on. She turned on her computer and smiled when she saw the desktop wallpaper--a picture of her and Makoto, sitting under a tree in a warm embrace. She had all but forgotten she chose that photo this morning, replacing one of her mother. Ami thought back to when the photo was taken, during a picnic all the Inner Senshi had attended.
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Minako had been taking everyone's picture--and getting chased by Rei for taking hers without permission--when she saw Makoto and Ami sitting under a tree, enjoying each other's company. She couldn't resist, and they were too lost in each other to care--or at least that's how Minako saw it.
"You're not going to ask them either, huh?" The raven-haired fire senshi asked.
"Of course not!" Minako replied brightly, camera at the ready. "It's more lifelike that way! I wanna get them in the meat of the moment!"
"Um, no...that's 'heat of the moment', Mina-chan." Rei's dry delivery did nothing to dampen Minako's enthusiasm. "Fine. Just take the shot and leave them alone."
"But Rei-chan...don't you want to know what they're talking about? Maybe their making plans for a secret rendezvous...or even deciding which love hotel would be the most discreet!" Minako was giddy, but Rei held her by the collar of her blouse to keep her from interrupting the couple.
"If they were, Ami's face would be hotter than the Sacred Fire back at the Temple, Mina-chan. Besides, neither of them are as perverted as you."
"Would you like to find out just how perverted I am, Rei-chan?" Minako quickly whirled around to Rei. Since her hand was still attached to Minako's collar, Rei suddenly found herself with her arm around Minako's shoulder, and their faces a breath apart. "I'd love to show you," she said seductively.
Rei thought she would spontaneously combust. "I-I....WILL YOU STOP THAT!" She yanked her arm from around Minako's neck, sending the giggling blonde spinning away. "She's gonna be the death of me," panted the miko. "I'm sure of it!"
Ami and Makoto watched the entire scene play out, and laughed at its conclusion. "She's such a flirt!" Makoto could barely get the sentence out before laughing again.
"Yes, absolutely shameless!" Ami's own laughter wasn't as loud as Makoto's but it was full just the same. The two friends composed themselves long enough to breathe normally, then continued their conversation.
"Now, where were we? Oh yes....just look at them," Ami said as she nodded towards a nearby tree, under which sat Mamoru Chiba and his future bride, Usagi Tsukino. The lanky blonde with the odd dual-pigtailed hairstyle had draped herself over the tall, dark-haired young man's lap, and was peacefully sleeping. "Do you think they'll stay as happy as they are now?" Ami's question had a hint of wistfulness in it, as well as admiration for the couple.
"Beats me," Makoto answered. "I'm not exactly the best person to ask a question like that."
Ami cursed herself inwardly for the misstep. "I'm sorry, Mako-chan. It's just that, you see those two, and Michiru and Haruka, and you start to wonder how long things like that can last without something going wrong."
"No need to apologize, Ami-chan. Considering both of our backgrounds, you'd think we'd both be pretty sour on the whole 'happily ever after' idea."
"You do have a point. Even so, I do like to think that we would not end up the way our parents have. That we have our own paths, and that the person we choose to love will always be there for us." Ami was smiling now, staring up at the sky.
"I'd like that," Makoto said, "but I think you're more of an optimist than I am." She stopped her own sky-gazing for a moment, and turned to Ami. "Sometimes I think there are people who are destined to find love, and people who are destined to be alone. I think I belong in the second group."
Ami thought for a moment, considering Makoto's opinion fully before answering. "In some ways, I agree. There are some people who are just made to be 'fifth wheels' or 'sidekicks', but even some of then fall in love. When it comes to your destiny, however, I strongly disagree.."
"What makes you say that?"
"You have too much to offer, Mako-chan. You're very beautiful, strong physically and emotionally, you're an incredible cook, and you're unbelievably caring. Just because people can't see all of those things doesn't mean they go unnoticed by everyone. I've seen sides of you that most people don't, and I like what I've seen. The person who takes the time to really see you for who you are, inside and out, can't help but fall in love with you, Mako-chan." Ami heard herself speak that last sentence, and covered her mouth. She was blushing furiously, but refused to take her eyes off of Makoto.
Makoto was speechless. No one had ever been so candid with her before--well, maybe her close friend Shinozaki, but they were like brother and sister, so it was endearing when it came from him. Coming from Ami, though, it sounded hopeful...even optimistic. Something else came through in Ami's words; Makoto wasn't sure, but she wondered if Ami took the time to see the many sides of her out of friendship, or something more. In any case, she was speechless, and dazed.
"Mako-chan? Are you alright? Did I say something wrong?" Ami's face was covered in worry.
"Um....sorry, Ami-chan. I was listening to what you said again in my mind. I....I don't know how to thank you for what you said." Makoto's eyes began to well up, but she would not allow herself to cry, not here.
Ami offered her a handkerchief. "You don't need to do anything...being yourself and having your friendship is thanks enough for me. I meant every word of it. Please don't ever think of yourself as undeserving of love!"
"Th-thank you very much, Ami-chan," whispered Makoto. She blushed and turned away. 'How does she do that? How can she make me feel so...appreciated? Is she...is she in love with me?' Makoto rolled those ideas around in her head, and felt she wasn't quite ready for the answer...or what it meant for her. She thought it best to change the subject. "Have you......have you ever felt like you were alone in a crowd?"
"Alone in a crowd?" Ami echoed the comment, needing further input.
"Yeah...I mean, when you're surrounded by people you know, but for some reason, you still feel like you're by yourself. Have you ever felt that way?" Makoto said, looking at nothing in particular.
"I never had that problem until recently," Ami replied. "Mainly because I was never part of a crowd. Since I've met Usagi and you and everyone, I'm very happy. But sometimes it does feel like I'm left out of some things. It is a very lonely feeling, and one I'm not very fond of. How about you?"
"Happens a lot. When you are helping Usagi with her studies, and Minako and Rei are gossiping, I'm happy being with everyone, but sometimes I feel like I'm not even there." Makoto tried to frame her next thought without sounding selfish. "I love making people happy, but I wonder if there's someone who can make me happy, like Mamoru does for Usagi."
Ami did all she could do to restrain herself. "I...I could," she said shyly. "I'm not sure what it would take, but I would do my best..." Thinking she had overstepped her bounds, Ami was surprised when Makoto took her hand.
"Believe it or not, Ami-chan, when we are talking like this, just us, that's when I'm happiest. You don't really have to do anything but listen and be there for me, like you have been. I don't expect any more from you. I can't expect to monopolize you, either. So when we have talks like this, it means a lot to me."
"I feel the same way, Mako-chan." Ami was smiling broadly. "Whenever you need me, just ask. I'll always be here for you." She found herself staring at Makoto, who couldn't stop her tears this time. "Did I say something wrong, Mako-chan?"
"Oh, no!" Makoto turned to Ami and gave her a hug. "Other than Usagi, no one has ever said that and meant it before. I mean, many guys have said things like that, but it's different coming from you. I know you mean it. Thank you so much, Ami-chan."
As much as Ami wanted to stay in Makoto's arms, she thought this wasn't the place for it. She heard the subtle 'click-whirr' of a camera, and spotted Minako out of the corner of her eye. "Um, we'd better let go before Mina-chan starts planning the wedding and naming our children"
Makoto let go of Ami, looked in the direction she was pointing in, and called out to the would-be paparazzi. "Don't make me have to call Rei-chan on you!" She and Ami had a good laugh at Minako's expense. The blonde stuck out her tongue at the pair, and ran off.
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"Even when you're not here, you make me feel so much better." Ami touched the image of Makoto's face. "Seeing you, I'm not alone anymore." She thought about Makoto, and the more she thought, the more she wanted. "I should call her. Invite her over..." She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. The voice mail prompt caught her off guard, until she realized it was late. "Um, hello...this is Ami. I'm sorry for calling so late. I just wanted to talk, or to...well...invite you over. I guess you're sleeping, so I'll just wait until tomorrow. Good night, Mako-chan."
Ami put down the phone and prepared herself for another lonely night.
End of Chapter Four